Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Johnny Bananas is the world's first Truly Professional Fake News Reporter! The legend of Johnny Bananas grows like a...well a ripe banana on a sick and dying tree.  Mr. Bananas (He/Is/Awesome) has taken fake news and satire and fused them into an artform that, once swallowed, goes down like a jagged little red pill that tastes like sweet honey.  As the saying goes, once you've gone Bananas you'll never go back.

Bananalysis:  CNN Battles Harris & Walz To A Standstill

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Two powerful entities, both with image rebranding goals, faced off yesterday as mainstream media caboose CNN took the most-popular least-popular Vice President in history to task with a grueling twenty-five minute pre-recorded sit down interview.   The show began with a highly unbiased montage of clips showing Harris and Walz standing before massive crowds holding … Read more

Bananas: Satan and Some Other Guy Endorse Trump

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

With every presidential election year comes the ominous October surprise.  However with things heating up at this week’s Democratic National Convention, the Prince of Darkness has surprised the world yet again by publicly endorsing Donald Trump, doing it of course during the hottest month in recorded history. Banana’s Media was able to catch up to … Read more

Bananas: A.I. Endorses Harris-Walz Campaign

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

The Harris-Walz campaign received a significant boost this past week by becoming the first ever presidential campaign to be fully endorsed by A.I. (Artificial Intelligence).  After announcing to their constituents they were democratically hand selecting Kamala Harris as their next presidential candidate, the campaign saw a significant boost in funding from donors who had grown … Read more

Bananas:  This is so…

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

The masters of political evolution have advanced the game of thrones for the presidency yet again by warning all those considering voting for Donald Trumplestilskins and his VP nominee Jayzee “Jazzy” Vance, to be very, very careful because….the two married heterosexual white men are…just plain weird. Of course, the highly funded priests and priestesses in … Read more

Bananas: Vegas Odds On Trump Is Looney Tunes

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

After the recent assassination attempt on Donald Trump’s life the odds makers in Vegas have seized on the opportunity to give the betting public a chance to predict which method will next be used by the deep state to derail his run for a second term in office.  A FOIA request by AAA (American’s Against … Read more

Bananas: Biden Wishes Archduke Ferdinand A Speedy Recovery

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Some of the nation was in shock this past Saturday as the attempted assassination of Donald Trump reached its inevitable arrival. While delivering a speech to a crowd in Butler, Pennsylvania shots rang out sending Trump into the matrix at which point he dodged the bullet careening toward his head as if it were traveling … Read more

Bananas: Handicapping the Debate

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

The first presidential debate of 2024 between the Orange Man and the Old Man went off with all the pomp and circumstance of a game of bingo at the local senior center.  Despite both candidates having a record number of voters in 2020 the hosts at CNN were unable to get any attendees to join … Read more

Bananas: Welcome to the Jungle

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Allyson Renneau has 11 biological children, let’s just get that out of the way.  How do I know?  From her website to every article written about her it’s spoken of like it’s her last name: Allyson Renneau-eleven-biological-children. 

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Bananas: The Bear Necessities

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

A recent resurgence in womyn getting back to nature has become the hot topics on social media.  Social experiments revolving around bears versus men, primal screaming and cattiness calling out in congress and commencement speeches have seen the fairer sex exposing their claws and flaws for all to see.

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Bananas: NCAA Creates New Interscholastic Protest League

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Over one hundred and twenty colleges and universities across the United States and the world saw the planning of spontaneous protests this past month and with it the staunch capitalists at NCAA headquarters seized the opportunity to form a new sports league. 

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Bananas: Governor Scott Hires Ted Lasso To Save Economy

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

After seeing his state holding down the second worst spot in the country for economic prospects Governor Scott reached out to coach extraordinaire Ted Lasso in hopes he can work his magic to turn around Vermont’s bleak future.

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Bananas Guide to Joining A Cult

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

It’s been said “if you’re not in a cult by now you’re crazy”.  The chances are you’re already in one and don’t even know it, which is the sign of a well-run cult, so congratulations. Most people wouldn’t stick around in a cult if in fact they knew they had been hoodwinked into involuntary membership.

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Bananas: Democrats Suddenly Defend the Bible

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

In his latest 4-D chess move the former CEO of America, Donald Trump, has managed to get Democrats to defend the Bible.  Despite years and decades of mocking the most Holy Book while flat out defying its clear commandments, the Democrat party had a sudden change of heart upon hearing the King of the Solarverse, … Read more

Bananas: Israel & Hamas Agree to Cease-fire Thanks to Lebanon

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Shocking news has emerged from the Middle East where Israeli and Hamas forces have been in the throes of a sectarian war which began on Oct. 7th, 2024, B.C.E., when a young man named Esau took issue with his half-brother Jakob eating some of his goat porridge.

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Night Cap – Banana’s: Third Semi-Annual Vegas Odds on the ANTI-CHRIST!

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

March Madness is back again, reminding us it’s time for this year’s VEGAS ODD ON THE ANTI-CHRIST! As the world gets crazier than a rainbow flag at a Hamas rally, we turn our sights to the coming of the lawless one prophecied in holy writ.

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Bananas: Biden Gives Epic State of the Onion Address

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Despite having lower approval ratings than people who club baby seals, Joe Biden faced the nation last week to deliver the annual State of the Union address.  After a lengthy wait for him to arrive at the Capitol, where many wondered if he might have fallen or gotten lost, again, the gamey 80-year-old entered the house to a cacophony of groans and forced adulation as he made his way to the dais.

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Bananas: The First Annual Crisis Actors Award Goes To…

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Atlanta, Georgia, is not only home to CNN, the CDC headquarters, and human trafficking, but it will be hosting the first-ever Crisis Actors Academy Awards this month.

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Bananas: Taylor Swift Wins First Super Bowl Championship & MVP

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

It seems like she was just a fresh face out of high school only a short while ago, running up and down stadiums belting out feel-good hits about young love.  Today she is Taylor Swift, Super Bowl LVIII Champion.

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Bananas: Feminists Struggle To Decide On Fifth Wave of Movement … and Dinner

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

The International Fraternity of Feminists (IFF) meeting took place at the lovely Brettonwoods resort earlier this month, and these little ladies have a lot to bitch about, it seems.

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typewriter fake news

Bananas: Journalism Lay-off-Pandemic Sweeps Across America to Vermont

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Investigative journalists are dropping like a congressional aide’s pants across the U.S. as main stream media lays-off thousands. Fake news powerhouse the L.A. Times has nearly emptied its Washington D.C. bureau just months before what many consider the biggest election year in American history.  This shocking move has many of the journalists questioning the real … Read more

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