Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Johnny Bananas is the world's first Truly Professional Fake News Reporter! The legend of Johnny Bananas grows like a...well a ripe banana on a sick and dying tree.  Mr. Bananas (He/Is/Awesome) has taken fake news and satire and fused them into an artform that, once swallowed, goes down like a jagged little red pill that tastes like sweet honey.  As the saying goes, once you've gone Bananas you'll never go back.

Bananas: GOP Wins White House As Dems Retain Control of Nuthouse

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

The Republican Party is celebrating their historic victory this week as the GOP spanked the Democrat Party like the bunch of BDSM loving nymphomaniacs they are. Sweeping the Presidency, Senate and House by margins more comfortable than Mitch McConnell’s retirement pajamas, the red wave crashed from sea to shining sea like the Kool-Aid Man breaking … Read more

Bananas: Trump Wins Record Third Presidency Amidst Rapture

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Achieving the impossible Donald Trump becomes only the second and a half president to win three elections in a row and did so amidst the rapture of an estimated thirteen to twenty million American citizens.  Social media was awash with conspiracy theories surrounding the events as the beleaguered golf course owner gave his acceptance speech … Read more

BANANAS EXCLUSIVE:  NY Takes Down Illegally Housed Terrorist P’nut the Squirrel

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

With crime in New York City exploding back to pre-Guiliani era numbers the boys in blue and cammo have been under the gun for some time as citizens have grown restless waiting for some law and order.  Thankfully the opportunity came knocking like a 2 a.m. SWAT team ready to pounce.  Known fugitive and domestic … Read more

Bananas: Harris October Surprise Is Her New Book “My Plan”

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

October has many lovely surprises during an election year, but what better way to have an October surprise than in November? We can all look back fondly when Richard Nixon surprised himself with multiple counts of impeachment for breaking into Waterworld with his henchmen and skinny dipping on the rides.  Then there was the time … Read more

Bananas: Town Proposes Authentic Columbo-Indigenous People’s Day

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

The debate over whether to celebrate Columbus Day or Indigenous People’s Day has reached a fever pitch as adherents to both are proposing one over the other.  However the Town of Hartford has put forward a solution that attempts to satisfy everyone.  After researching the customs of South, Meso and North Americans peoples members from … Read more

Bananas: Sean ‘Puff Daddy’ Combs Receives Epstein Lifetime Achievement Award

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

(Warning: Links may contain adult content you should have known about long before now.) Shocking news comes out of Hollywood this past week as Sean “Puff Daddy” Combs was arrested for all of the things Hollywood glorifies in its movies.  After being apprehended in a hotel in downtown New York Combs was placed into the … Read more

Bananas: The Cat’s Out of the Bag

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

The long awaited Disney production of Kamala Harris vs. Donald Trump finally hit the tiny screen on Wednesday as a nation of non-binary idiots gazed into their surveillance devices waiting to be told by millionaires which binary choice will be taking their money for the next four years.  The quality of the production was top … Read more

Bananalysis:  CNN Battles Harris & Walz To A Standstill

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Two powerful entities, both with image rebranding goals, faced off yesterday as mainstream media caboose CNN took the most-popular least-popular Vice President in history to task with a grueling twenty-five minute pre-recorded sit down interview.   The show began with a highly unbiased montage of clips showing Harris and Walz standing before massive crowds holding … Read more

Bananas: Satan and Some Other Guy Endorse Trump

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

With every presidential election year comes the ominous October surprise.  However with things heating up at this week’s Democratic National Convention, the Prince of Darkness has surprised the world yet again by publicly endorsing Donald Trump, doing it of course during the hottest month in recorded history. Banana’s Media was able to catch up to … Read more

Bananas: A.I. Endorses Harris-Walz Campaign

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

The Harris-Walz campaign received a significant boost this past week by becoming the first ever presidential campaign to be fully endorsed by A.I. (Artificial Intelligence).  After announcing to their constituents they were democratically hand selecting Kamala Harris as their next presidential candidate, the campaign saw a significant boost in funding from donors who had grown … Read more

Bananas:  This is so…

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

The masters of political evolution have advanced the game of thrones for the presidency yet again by warning all those considering voting for Donald Trumplestilskins and his VP nominee Jayzee “Jazzy” Vance, to be very, very careful because….the two married heterosexual white men are…just plain weird. Of course, the highly funded priests and priestesses in … Read more

Bananas: Vegas Odds On Trump Is Looney Tunes

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

After the recent assassination attempt on Donald Trump’s life the odds makers in Vegas have seized on the opportunity to give the betting public a chance to predict which method will next be used by the deep state to derail his run for a second term in office.  A FOIA request by AAA (American’s Against … Read more

Bananas: Biden Wishes Archduke Ferdinand A Speedy Recovery

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Some of the nation was in shock this past Saturday as the attempted assassination of Donald Trump reached its inevitable arrival. While delivering a speech to a crowd in Butler, Pennsylvania shots rang out sending Trump into the matrix at which point he dodged the bullet careening toward his head as if it were traveling … Read more

Bananas: Handicapping the Debate

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

The first presidential debate of 2024 between the Orange Man and the Old Man went off with all the pomp and circumstance of a game of bingo at the local senior center.  Despite both candidates having a record number of voters in 2020 the hosts at CNN were unable to get any attendees to join … Read more

Bananas: Welcome to the Jungle

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Allyson Renneau has 11 biological children, let’s just get that out of the way.  How do I know?  From her website to every article written about her it’s spoken of like it’s her last name: Allyson Renneau-eleven-biological-children. 

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Bananas: The Bear Necessities

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

A recent resurgence in womyn getting back to nature has become the hot topics on social media.  Social experiments revolving around bears versus men, primal screaming and cattiness calling out in congress and commencement speeches have seen the fairer sex exposing their claws and flaws for all to see.

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Bananas: NCAA Creates New Interscholastic Protest League

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Over one hundred and twenty colleges and universities across the United States and the world saw the planning of spontaneous protests this past month and with it the staunch capitalists at NCAA headquarters seized the opportunity to form a new sports league. 

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Bananas: Governor Scott Hires Ted Lasso To Save Economy

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

After seeing his state holding down the second worst spot in the country for economic prospects Governor Scott reached out to coach extraordinaire Ted Lasso in hopes he can work his magic to turn around Vermont’s bleak future.

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Bananas Guide to Joining A Cult

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

It’s been said “if you’re not in a cult by now you’re crazy”.  The chances are you’re already in one and don’t even know it, which is the sign of a well-run cult, so congratulations. Most people wouldn’t stick around in a cult if in fact they knew they had been hoodwinked into involuntary membership.

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Bananas: Democrats Suddenly Defend the Bible

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

In his latest 4-D chess move the former CEO of America, Donald Trump, has managed to get Democrats to defend the Bible.  Despite years and decades of mocking the most Holy Book while flat out defying its clear commandments, the Democrat party had a sudden change of heart upon hearing the King of the Solarverse, … Read more

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