News – Politics – Opinion – Podcasts
Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!) 
After waiting nearly an hour beyond the scheduled time for lift off so some of the crew members could finish getting ready for their big date with the sky, the team at Blue Origin made herstory this past week by having an all-female crew pierce the atmosphere to become only the third such gynocentric space … Read more
Vermont Attorney General Charity Clark has declared by para-executive order anyone who can provide video evidence they have vandalized a Tesla will be given a $50,000 voucher toward the vehicle of their choice redeemable at any dealership in the state to celebrate National Tesla Vandals Day. National Tesla Vandals Day won out over other popular … Read more
For nearly sixty years, the question of “who really shot JFK?” has been asked by nearly anyone with a pulse who understands basic physics and never figured out who shot JR Ewing. The official government findings were released to the public under Executive Order 11130 in 1964, known as the Warren Commission Report. This twenty-six-volume … Read more
All of the major networks ran the latest episode of Middle School America Tuesday night with this season’s blockbuster storyline centering around Trump’s latest STFU (Stop the Fraud & Usury) speech. The speech was delivered to a joint session of congress at approximately 9 p.m. EST when most of the country’s mature viewers had mercifully … Read more
Some several hundred art students and trust fund babies lined the streets of Warren, Vermont this past weekend armed with hand drawn signs and musical instruments designed to raise heck in protest of the nation’s Vice President J.D. Vance attempting to take his family on a ski trip to nearby Sugarbush Ski Resort. The crowd … Read more
The Trump administration’s recent announcement of tariffs on Canadian products had the ninnies to the north all in a tizzy as the United States ice hockey team took the Canadian national team out to the woodshed recently while in Montreal. Despite a polite warning from the announcer to respect one another’s national anthems the Canadian … Read more
Americans as a people are quite fond of balls. From the relatively tiny balls in and airplane’s ball bearings that our government will happily purchase for forty-six thousand times standard markup, to the large and incredibly private masked balls the same people who make up the government like to parade themselves about with their eyes … Read more
As Trump appointees lined up like prisoners readying for a firing squad in DC the swirling banshees came out in full force to denounce the threats to democracy and freedom, namely that of the legislators who fear they may end up in prison after not having made the Biden pardon list. Among the many red-faced … Read more
You’ve got to hand it to the several hundred Burlingtonians who braved severe climate change in order to carry hand-made handmaiden signs in a show of strong delusion that somebody still cares. The streets were lined with dirty snow and even dirtier human beings who apparently didn’t get the memo from their neighbors who are … Read more
The shocking news of yet another fire in California has been overshadowing the Cinderella story of the City of Angels slowly turning into the Isle of Lesbos. Were it not for the massive conflagration the country would not have learned about the humongous achievement of local first responders setting aside their personal safety in favor … Read more
‘Tis the season of giving once again, and most of us have gotten our shopping done thanks to AI target marketing that has gotten so sophisticated you can literally think of what you want, and Facebook, Youtube, or Instagram will advertise it to you within mere moments. Even better, after you buy the thing, they … Read more
To “beg one’s pardon” is a polite and formal way of asking for forgiveness or apologizing for something. It’s often used when someone wants to express regret or acknowledge that they may have done something wrong, whether intentionally or unintentionally, you know like “Oops, I may have left an ounce of cocaine at your house … Read more
The Republican Party is celebrating their historic victory this week as the GOP spanked the Democrat Party like the bunch of BDSM loving nymphomaniacs they are. Sweeping the Presidency, Senate and House by margins more comfortable than Mitch McConnell’s retirement pajamas, the red wave crashed from sea to shining sea like the Kool-Aid Man breaking … Read more
Achieving the impossible Donald Trump becomes only the second and a half president to win three elections in a row and did so amidst the rapture of an estimated thirteen to twenty million American citizens. Social media was awash with conspiracy theories surrounding the events as the beleaguered golf course owner gave his acceptance speech … Read more
With crime in New York City exploding back to pre-Guiliani era numbers the boys in blue and cammo have been under the gun for some time as citizens have grown restless waiting for some law and order. Thankfully the opportunity came knocking like a 2 a.m. SWAT team ready to pounce. Known fugitive and domestic … Read more
October has many lovely surprises during an election year, but what better way to have an October surprise than in November? We can all look back fondly when Richard Nixon surprised himself with multiple counts of impeachment for breaking into Waterworld with his henchmen and skinny dipping on the rides. Then there was the time … Read more
The debate over whether to celebrate Columbus Day or Indigenous People’s Day has reached a fever pitch as adherents to both are proposing one over the other. However the Town of Hartford has put forward a solution that attempts to satisfy everyone. After researching the customs of South, Meso and North Americans peoples members from … Read more
(Warning: Links may contain adult content you should have known about long before now.) Shocking news comes out of Hollywood this past week as Sean “Puff Daddy” Combs was arrested for all of the things Hollywood glorifies in its movies. After being apprehended in a hotel in downtown New York Combs was placed into the … Read more
The long awaited Disney production of Kamala Harris vs. Donald Trump finally hit the tiny screen on Wednesday as a nation of non-binary idiots gazed into their surveillance devices waiting to be told by millionaires which binary choice will be taking their money for the next four years. The quality of the production was top … Read more
