(Warning: Links may contain adult content you should have known about long before now.)
Shocking news comes out of Hollywood this past week as Sean “Puff Daddy” Combs was arrested for all of the things Hollywood glorifies in its movies. After being apprehended in a hotel in downtown New York Combs was placed into the same highest-level security prison in Manhattan where Jeffrey Epstein was not murdered on behalf of the billionaire satanic pedophile class we all know doesn’t exist.
As a token of appreciation for his service to the greater Hollywood community for his contribution to the “sex positive” scene that occurs after 1 am, the Screen Actors Guild cobbled together the Epstein Lifetime Achievement Award to be given posthumously to the P. Diddler once he is suicided. Technicians at the prison were called in to make sure the cameras are still non-functional, and Combs is even staying in the same second-floor penitentiary suite as the late Mr. Epstein. It is reported the Diddler is currently refusing food and is also on the prison’s mostly successful suicide watch.
Rumors had been flying out of Hollywood – like celebrities private jets – about Puff the Magic draggin’ men, women. and children into late-night “freak offs” for nigh on a decade. Rap artists such as Eminem and 50 Cent even included allusions to Combs’ alleged participation in the now famous deaths of fellow rappers Tupac Shakur and Biggie Smalls which garnered him multiple top of the chart songs eulogizing their passing because not even having your friends unalived can stop you from bein’ ‘bout dat bizness! Katt Williams used his full-disclosure clause to cut deep in an interview with Shannon Sharpe explaining “you gots to tell him (Combs) no” in reference to the Diddler’s apparent desire to share his manliness with other men. Still dozens of other celebrities believed to be outing Cap’n Puff ‘n’ Stuff however the blanket confessionals in P. Diddy’s music videos somehow went unnoticed by the authorities who, like most fans, just listen to the beat.
The list of politicians now implicated as potentially more than Only Fans includes multiple presidents and would be presidents from Barack Obama to Bill and Hillary Clinton to Kamala Harris and even Donald Trump. Somehow they managed to engage with the self-styled gangster mogul rapper without bothering to watch his videos or listen to his lyrics because the young and disaffected black vote is still coveted by politicians like it’s a Grammy Award, that is until they realized they could bring in the international migrant vote to replace it with actual rapists, murderers and drug traffickers instead of one’s made by the C.I.A.
Diddy’s anthology includes such bangers as the prophetic “Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems”, the ironic “I Need A Girl” and the sure to be a hit in the slammer “Can’t Hold Me Down”. Hollywood has not given up on capitalizing on the star-crossed star-crosser reportedly in production of an all black theatrical production of “The Diddler on the Roof”.
Hollywood has long had a problem with pedophilia however the recent success of Vermont’s M.A.P. Camp offers a road map to eventually changing the stigma. One idea that shows promise is the new youth outdoor camping program being developed by Vermont PRIDE titled the Sexy Boy Scouts sponsored by both the Chuck E. Cheese Pizza chain and Nathan’s Hot Dogs. While some Green Mountaineers have raised issue with this idea comparing it to unhinged conspiracy theory known as Pizza Gate, defenders of the new venture are quick to dismiss the comparison because everyone knows satanic pedophiles are the stuff of legend, outside of Vermont.
