The Republican Party is celebrating their historic victory this week as the GOP spanked the Democrat Party like the bunch of BDSM loving nymphomaniacs they are.
Sweeping the Presidency, Senate and House by margins more comfortable than Mitch McConnell’s retirement pajamas, the red wave crashed from sea to shining sea like the Kool-Aid Man breaking through the blue wall at an inner city playground.
A quick look at the numbers reveals a demographic shift of seismic proportions. Despite having voted Democrat in 2020, swing states Arizona, Georgia, Michigan, Nevada, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and even Vermont, turned harder to the right than a dyslexic NASCAR driver.
Of course almost no one saw this coming aside from the more than half of the country that has quit watching mainstream media, and the fallout has been catastrophic. A recent study shows CNN and MSNBC lost more viewers than Happy Days after Fonzi ski-jumped over a shark.
Speaking of happy days, conservatives have taken to social media with renewed vim and vigor as liberals are preserving this moment in history by posting their private video diaries for the entire world to see.
Many liberal women are complaining they won’t be able distinguish each other from Trump voters anymore despite the uniform style of neon blue hair, body piercings, tattoos and custom pronouns. Several solutions have been proposed but the most popular so far has been to shave their heads bald, because nothing says down with the Nazi patriarchy more than looking like a 1980s skinhead.
However not all womyn are willing to part with their locks so one randy rabble-rouser has suggested wearing blue arm bands, which had some wondering if that generic of a statement would be enough. Thankfully the pro-Palestinian voices in the crowd suggested adding the Star of David within a circle with a line through it to remove any confusion. Suck it Nazis!
Of course why should Democrats have to do all of the changing since Republicans are the ones who suck? Which is why yet another change agent suggested passing a law that would force Trump supporters to wear their ridiculous red hats 24/7. When asked if he would sign this into law President elect Trump assured he would support the legislation making them government issue starting in first grade via his website www.foreveryourpresident.com.
With concerns rising over a woman’s right to bodily autonomy about to be taken away another set of seething sirens made a run on Handmaid’s Tale outfits from Amazon who quickly listed the item on back order after selling out in sizes XXL and XXXL. One thing Amazon still has plenty of for the holidays, however, is a sense of irony.
Speaking of holidays nothing says “Joy to the world!” as loudly as women refusing to see their family if they voted for Trump. The party of joy and inclusion has quickly opted to also be the party of spiteful segregation as several have decided to ice out their relatives this winter for exercising their right to choose a different candidate. As it stands Santa’s naughty list has gotten so long West Virginia has seen record job growth thanks the re-opening of several coal plants, however unemployment at the North Pole has also hit record highs as Santa’s nice list is now shorter than a lesbian’s temper.
Not to be outdone by their virtue signaling seraglio the die-hard harlots are playing 5D chess by culturally appropriating the Korean women’s 4B movement. 4B stands for bi-hon (no marriage), bi-yeonae (no dating), bi-sekseu (no sex) and bi-chulsan (no childbirth). Proponents of the movement see it as a natural extension of feminists sending a message to men. That message seems to be saying, please continue to consume female exploitative pornography until feminism dies of self-inflicted wounds, which the men in question are calling a win-win.
Also strangely in favor of the 4B movement in the states is the pro-life movement as they anticipate abortions will drop off like a vegan’s libido.
Some are raising concerns over the increase in volatile behavior among liberal women citing a study that shows more than half of liberal white women are diagnosed with one or more mental disorder. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual plans to issue its sixth edition sometime next year with its editors announcing they will finally recognize Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS) among the class of “severe mental disorders”.
After his staff debriefed him on the nationwide pout-demic recently appointed Grand Chancellor of Health Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has stated he intends to have estrogen listed as a Class C Uncontrollable Substance.
