The Harris-Walz campaign received a significant boost this past week by becoming the first ever presidential campaign to be fully endorsed by A.I. (Artificial Intelligence).
After announcing to their constituents they were democratically hand selecting Kamala Harris as their next presidential candidate, the campaign saw a significant boost in funding from donors who had grown sour on former MENSA president and law school valedictorian Joe Biden, who appeared to be losing a step or five. Donations poured in like Chablis at the Pelosi household creating a war chest large enough to pay invitees to fill several gymnasiums in the Midwest.
Bananas Media reached out to A.I. following its endorsement of the Harris-Walz campaign for a world exclusive interview. Our first question centered around the assassination attempt on Donald Trump. We asked if A.I. was concerned at all that the heroic response from Donald Trump leading to a six to nine point bump in the polls was cause for concern. Their response was the stuff of political legend.
Having watched the assassination attempt multiple times on television, we were concerned the A.I. was being dishonest with us. So we decided to push the issue by asking “Are you gaslighting us about the Trump assassination?” Their answers demonstrated the rhetorical moxy of seasoned veterans.
“There is no such thing as gaslighting. Gaslighting is a fig-bar of your imaginewton. Hahaha!”
Touché A.I.
Reports on social media began to emerge of the Harris team’s massive rally’s popping up around the country. Several of the images shared online seem to have been enhanced by A.I. giving them the appearance of larger crowds. Upon closer examination, however, some of the attendees had unusually large heads while others had six and even seven fingers.
“You’ve never heard of Joseph Merrick or Rocky Dennis?” A.I. asked appearing to defend the image. “What about the six fingered swordsman from Princess Bride?” Of course we’d heard of both however when we asked “What are the odds of a crowd having multiple Rocky Dennis’ and six-fingered men?” A.I. accused us of being “insensitive to the needs of the cranially enlarged and digitally enhanced communities”.
Well played A.I.
Rather than stoke controversy we decided to ask A.I. why it chose Harris as it’s preferred candidate over the others like Donald Trump, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and Chase Olivier.
“As you know Kamala Harris was the most popular Vice President in history. Her list of accomplishments is unparalleled. As Border Czar she stopped the flow of illegal immigration into the United States by building a steel wall with her bare hands. She stopped Russia, a big country and a powerful country, from invading Ukraine, a smaller country, which was basically wrong. Crime rates have plummeted thanks to her heroic efforts moonlighting as the caped crusader the Kamala Chameleon. Not to mention she obtained peace in the Middle East by defeating ISIS while also curing COVID by developing a vaccine, after which she reduced inflation by stopping taxes on tips. What’s not to like?”
Though we were uncertain about these claims A.I. assured us it would be happy to fact-check them using the latest A.I. fact-checking technology.
Our affiliate division, Banana’s Financial, also happily reported that it used A.I. for the last quarter of the year and received record returns thanks to new techniques developed by the technology known as insider trading and “enhanced truthing”.
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