The masters of political evolution have advanced the game of thrones for the presidency yet again by warning all those considering voting for Donald Trumplestilskins and his VP nominee Jayzee “Jazzy” Vance, to be very, very careful because….the two married heterosexual white men are…just plain weird.
Of course, the highly funded priests and priestesses in political media are also concerned their viewers will not be able to figure this out on their own, just like they couldn’t be trusted to figure out who they should nominate for president. So they decided it would be best, after a lengthy midnight cult séance, to ask the spirits which word needed to be repeated on the following day’s broadcasts. What was the overwhelming response to the medium’s request? Weird. Say weird a lot. Like as often as you can.
In order for the magic spell to stick, it needs to be repeated often, and from so many microphones, it becomes part of the social parlance. Incantations work similarly to propaganda. It’s just a matter of repeating the thing over and over and over again until your target audience has absorbed it like they’re adult diapers.
So let it be written, so let it be done.
From MSNBC, where host Joy Reid, a black woman with blonde hair, lectures white people on cultural appropriation and racism, to CNN interviewing congressman Eric Swalwell, who famously slept with a Chinese spy and then literally gas-lit the public about it on live TV, all the way up to President Vice President Kamala Harris who was blessed with the laughter, charm and title of America’s Wine Mom, the message is abundantly clear – Democrats are united in an almost hermetic trance to warn the masses against hearing any other political message than this – don’t make room in your heart for weird people.
Related: Now THIS Is Weird
Of course, this weirdness doesn’t include men with beards dressed as fairy princesses, grown adults crawling on all fours dressed as dogs, or feminists fighting for women’s rights while wearing headgear in the shape of labia because that would be insensitive, bigoted, and intolerant. No, the weirdness that needs to be repeatedly denounced on major news networks is much weirder than that.
How weird? Weirder than a Senator turned President serially sniffing small children? Yes, even weirder than that. Weirder than his crack-addict son sitting on the board of a Ukrainian energy company despite having no experience in the energy sector? Weirder than falling UP stairs repeatedly? Yes, much weirder.
Even weirder than the potential first female president trying to convince black people she’s black by having a black singer nicknamed “the stallion” open her event with songs about how many men she can sleep with thanks to her prominent assets? Or having a film crew follow her to a record store to buy old albums of black singers that are blacker than the album itself? Blacker even than the many hundreds of prisoners she kept in jail beyond their sentences so the state of California could have cheap labor, just like her grandpappy used to.
Thou dost protest too much, you say? Hardly.
I’m talking weirder than gay topless women wearing kiffeyas in support of Palestinian Muslims who like to chuck gay people off roofs. Weirder than hermaphroditic boxers beating the estrogen out of women at the Olympics. Weirder than a mustachioed cross-dresser kleptomaniac responsible for nuclear waste, or a satanic doctor responsible for curing monkeypox, or even an Olympic ceremony that celebrates the god of orgies with a small child next to a man with his personal piñata hanging out.
Yes even weirder than that.
Could it be weirder than a governor signing a bill calling for tampons to be put in boy’s bathrooms in schools? Or a law allowing minors to receive sex change surgery and another allowing illegal immigrants to get voter ID?
That is mere child’s play.
It’s even weirder than a socialist Senator worth over a million dollars with three houses and a famous set of mittens.
These painfully white guys are, if you can believe it, wanting to make America great again.
And one of them drinks Diet Mountain Dew.
Politica emptor cave.
