After seeing his state holding down the second worst spot in the country for economic prospects Governor Scott reached out to coach extraordinaire Ted Lasso in hopes he can work his magic to turn around Vermont’s bleak future.
Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)
Bananas Guide to Joining A Cult
It’s been said “if you’re not in a cult by now you’re crazy”. The chances are you’re already in one and don’t even know it, which is the sign of a well-run cult, so congratulations. Most people wouldn’t stick around in a cult if in fact they knew they had been hoodwinked into involuntary membership.
Bananas: Democrats Suddenly Defend the Bible
In his latest 4-D chess move the former CEO of America, Donald Trump, has managed to get Democrats to defend the Bible. Despite years and decades of mocking the most Holy Book while flat out defying its clear commandments, the Democrat party had a sudden change of heart upon hearing the King of the Solarverse, … Read more
Bananas: Israel & Hamas Agree to Cease-fire Thanks to Lebanon
Shocking news has emerged from the Middle East where Israeli and Hamas forces have been in the throes of a sectarian war which began on Oct. 7th, 2024, B.C.E., when a young man named Esau took issue with his half-brother Jakob eating some of his goat porridge.
Night Cap – Banana’s: Third Semi-Annual Vegas Odds on the ANTI-CHRIST!
March Madness is back again, reminding us it’s time for this year’s VEGAS ODD ON THE ANTI-CHRIST! As the world gets crazier than a rainbow flag at a Hamas rally, we turn our sights to the coming of the lawless one prophecied in holy writ.
Bananas: Biden Gives Epic State of the Onion Address
Despite having lower approval ratings than people who club baby seals, Joe Biden faced the nation last week to deliver the annual State of the Union address. After a lengthy wait for him to arrive at the Capitol, where many wondered if he might have fallen or gotten lost, again, the gamey 80-year-old entered the house to a cacophony of groans and forced adulation as he made his way to the dais.
Bananas: The First Annual Crisis Actors Award Goes To…
Atlanta, Georgia, is not only home to CNN, the CDC headquarters, and human trafficking, but it will be hosting the first-ever Crisis Actors Academy Awards this month.
Bananas: Taylor Swift Wins First Super Bowl Championship & MVP
It seems like she was just a fresh face out of high school only a short while ago, running up and down stadiums belting out feel-good hits about young love. Today she is Taylor Swift, Super Bowl LVIII Champion.
Bananas: Feminists Struggle To Decide On Fifth Wave of Movement … and Dinner
The International Fraternity of Feminists (IFF) meeting took place at the lovely Brettonwoods resort earlier this month, and these little ladies have a lot to bitch about, it seems.
Bananas: Journalism Lay-off-Pandemic Sweeps Across America to Vermont
Investigative journalists are dropping like a congressional aide’s pants across the U.S. as main stream media lays-off thousands. Fake news powerhouse the L.A. Times has nearly emptied its Washington D.C. bureau just months before what many consider the biggest election year in American history. This shocking move has many of the journalists questioning the real … Read more
Bananas: CBS Newest “Survivor: Burlington”
The Emmy Award-winning television show Survivor will be headed to the Green Mountain state to film their latest installment, “Survivor: Burlington,” this month. Airing its forty-second series since it debuted in 2000. The producers were looking for a location that could provide a unique set of challenges not yet faced by previous contestants.
Bananas Exclusive: Gay Resignation Letter
Dear Members of the Harvard Community,
Four score and seven semesters ago, our board brought forth on this great campus a new leader conceived in equity and dedicated to the proposition that all women are to be believed – unless they are black, apparently.
Bananas: Shake Up At the North Pole
Santa Claus has come under fire thanks to a small band of elves who were recently hired per the North Pole’s new Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion policy.
Bananas: GOP IV – The Phantom Menace
And then there were four… The Republican national championship has been whittled down to its final four competitors, and not without controversy.
Banana’s: Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Review
The gang at NBC and Macy’s visited us again this year with their latest iteration of a holiday tradition – the Thanksgiving Day Parade. The tradition of Thanksgiving is one celebrated in many places around the world.
Bananas: VT Sex-Work Legislators Put Money Where Mouths Are
A recent decision by Planned Parenthood New England to shut down four of its Vermont clinics has many lawmakers in Montpelier ready to hop into the sack to save them.
Bananas GOP 3: Return of the Son of Ramaswamy
The Adrienne Arsht Center in Miami, Florida, was the site of the third Republican debate. Missing from the stage were candidates Mike Pence, Asa Hutchinson, and that guy Doug, as was the Reagan Library plane that disappeared like the hopes of the three vanquished old white guys.
Bananas Halloween Activism Spooktackular!
It was an odd year for Halloween here in Vermont. Typically Halloween is used as an opportunity to either conjure up the dead or celebrate those who’ve passed on into the great mortuary in the sky. In contrast to our banal day-to-day lives Halloween gives us a chance to play the impish tricksters or treat our neighbors to the fright of their lives.
The Tesla That Drove Me…Bananas!
Human ingenuity is a funny thing. Of course, it has brought us such technological delights as the iPhone and the Thigh-master, however, there is a downside to our eternal optimism in our ability to achieve God-like creativity.
Bananas: Time To Genocide… In Jesus Name
In case you live under a rock anywhere other than the rubble in Gaza, you likely have heard we are long overdue for a world war with the Jews as the centerpiece, because why not?