March Madness is back again, reminding us it’s time for this year’s VEGAS ODD ON THE ANTI-CHRIST! As the world gets crazier than a rainbow flag at a Hamas rally, we turn our sights to the coming of the lawless one prophecied in holy writ.
Despite the list missing some heavy favorites from years past, we are certain to have you looking over your shoulder and doom scrolling into the night as you try to put your finger on the answer to the question everyone is asking beneath their breath – are they/them the spawn of Satan?
Larry Fink (Co-founder/CEO of Black Rock) – (5-1) Sits atop the wealthiest and most powerful investment firm in the world at est. $10 trillion in assets. On record stating “we need to force behaviors” has necessary control freak vibes associated with the master of disaster. Fink is short for Finkelstein or Rat Fink, both having strong A-C connotations.
Cons: No one believes the A-C will sport a comb-over or have a dad-bod causing this otherwise stout hopeful to remain on the fringes.
King Charles III (King of England) – (6-1) Pros: The 33rd Degree Freemason is finally out of his mom’s shadow and has the chutzpah to make his case as A-C. Hellish sausage fingers are the stuff of demonic nightmares. Deceased best friend Jimmy Saville and brother Prince Andrew are both notable pederasts. Visibly unmoved at the assassination-type death of his first wife, Lady Diana, while alarmingly giddy about grossly inferior second-fling Camilla.
Cons: He shares the name with a popular breed of dog, and not one of the cool ones. Sausage fingers indicate poor grip on world power.
Gavin Newsom (Governor of California) – (7-1) Pros: As if straight out of central casting the tall drink of unholy water is slicker than his stylist’s pomade. Appears to possess the power of alchemy having turned the Golden State into the Porcelain Bowl State. His handling of COVID saw the closing of churches whilst keeping strip-clubs open lending credence to an A-C ascension. Is so good at lying it’s rumored he’s had twenty-seven nose jobs.
Cons: Got spanked in a debate with high-heel boot wearing Ron Desantis, who never used one Bible verse in the defeat—clearly a subordinate to Chinese CCP leader Xi Jinping.
Yuval Noah-Harari (WEF Consultant) – (8-1) Little known little man Harari is raising odds and cackles as possible A-C. The bantam Harari has heavyweight potential thanks to openly blaspheming the Messiah while also being openly gay. Author of the book “Sapiens,” Harari views God’s image bearers as “hackable animals”, a theory exercised by the Prince of Darkness since the beginning. The sociopathic Harari believes in a future where the Mark of the Beast is a forgone conclusion and only the elite will outlast the “useless” people.
Cons: Lost to a girl in the first round of the Vegan world arm-wrestling championships. Lacks both charm and charisma associated with A-C leaving many to believe Harrari is just a promising satanic yes-man.
Alex Soros (CEO of Open Society Foundation) – (9-1)Pro: Child prodigy to long time A-C favorite, his father George Soros. George considered himself a god so it’s no surprise his demigod-like son is getting noticed. Sitting atop daddy’s fortune while being grandfathered into “the club” bodes well for any future A-C runs. Current member of the WEF Young Global Leaders and CEO of the Open Society Foundation offer serious A-C street cred. A less than subtle call for Donald Trump’s assassination on Twitter was a big-time move. Don’t hate the player; hate the game.
Cons: Alex appears to be on the spectrum and not the rainbow one. He’s also a UCal-Berkley grad which is a second-tier school where it’s rumored he graduated with a GPA just south of 2.5, well below serious A-C level genius, and hinting at a daddy’s money type incompetence disqualifying this otherwise favorable candidate.
Hunter Biden (Ukranian Energy Expert) – (10-1) Pros: The debauched son of the former Vice President has many of the qualities one looks for in the A-C: endless capacity for lust, immeasurable self-importance, death-defying ability to recover from self-abuse, international connectedness and bulletproof command over demonic legalists and sycophants who will defend him to eternal damnation. Handsome, educated, appropriately named with well-hidden fangs all give “the Big Guy’s” baby boy a shot at the title.
Cons: The Little Guy is a bit of a whiner and is horrible with money, not to mention is utterly careless as he commits his serial crimes leaving a crumb trail even Hansel and Greta Thunberg could piece together. The true A-C would be none of those.
Emanuel Macron (President of France) – (11-1) Pros: Central location as a ten-horned EU member positions Macron as a serious candidate. Putting out the welcome mat for an Islamic horde invasion amongst historically Christian France has A-C potential written all over it. Marriage to a trans-man embroiled in secrecy makes Macron a serious up-and-comer.
Cons: Sissy boy demeanor and getting slapped by a fellow Frenchman without immediately casting him into hell leaves Macron on the bubble as a top performer.
Dylan Mulvaney (personality) – (12-1) Pros: Mulvaney’s mere presence causes the skin to crawl. He/she single-handedly destroyed iconic brands Bud Light and Target by simply endorsing them which rings true of the thief who comes to “steal, kill and destroy” (John 10:10). Mocking God’s sex-binary scores major blasphemy points.
Cons: Owns more push up bras than can do push-ups. Recent near mental breakdown reveals weakness not associated with the coming conqueror causing A-C stock to drop significantly.
Chris Rondeau (Founder of Planet Fitness) – (15-1) Pros: Planetary aspirations move Rondeau into the pack. Deceptive gym model where exercise is sold but discouraged also a plus. Persecuting Christian women by allowing perverted men to shower with little girls in PF women’s bathrooms has big-time A-C energy.
Cons: Hails from Portsmouth, NH which is mentioned nowhere in the Bible. Recently fired by company he founded, also not good.
Seth Dillon (CEO of Bablyon Bee) – (20-1) Pros: Being head of the leading Christian satire site Babylon Bee provides deep cover for the prince of deception. Time spent in leadership over a group generating fake news (re: lies) offers a proving ground for global fakery associated with the demon-man.
Cons: Strong orthodox background, mockery of Satan himself, repeated sharing of the gospel with world leaders and potential A-C’s like Elon Musk, and attacks by the beast’s media system make this a long shot for the betting public.
Karine Jean-Pierre (WH Press Secretary ) – (25-1) Pros: Masterful ability to open mouth and pour out lies makes KJP one to look at. Karine (6) Jean- (5) Pierre (6) needs minimal mathing to become the Number of the Beast. Beezlebub-like hair and wardrobe have fans rooting for KJP as A-C.
Cons: The A-C is not a woman, however KJP is not sure what a woman is, leading bettors to keep wagers low.
Rachel (Richard/Dick) Levine (Asst. Sec. of Health) – (30-1) Pros: Ghoulish countenance and 4-D chess-level blasphemous existence have many wondering if “Admiral” Dick can go all the way. Calls for nationwide “gender-affirming care” for children drip with God-hating A-C energy. Willingness to gaslight reality at the cost of sacrificing his own genitalia shows serious Anti-Christ potential.
Con: Horrible sense of make-up and style cause the ex-Dick to fall flaccid among serious rivals who have the requisite panache associated with the coming conqueror. Harvard pedigree used to be a plus but has been cheapened of late thanks to Diversity, Equity and Inclusion policy failures (see: Claudine Gay, Ketanji Brown-Jackson).
Pale Riders and Dark Horses:
Adam Kinzinger – Notable turncoat whose Machiavellian nature is as real as his ability to cry on command.
Lebron James – refers to himself in the third person as “King James,” which is more likely a coping mechanism for realizing he’ll never be better than Larry Legend.
Adam Sandler – Uncanny portrayal of Satan’s spawn as Little Nicky has some wondering.
Jeffrey Epstein – A posthumous return of the hated billionaire pedophile would catapult him to the top, especially given that he didn’t kill himself.
Mr. Beast – Don’t let the endless attempts at do-goodering fool you, his name is Mr. Beast. Nuff said.
Harry Sisson – Popular social media influencer has the right psychopathic energy for the position, however his perpetual pre-pubescent soy-boy charm leaves him at the back of the pack for serious contention.
Tom Brady – the six-time Super Bowl champion has an insatiable appetite for domination. Divide his jersey number (12) by two and add his six titles and you have the makings of an A-C champion. Ex-wife Ghiselle was a witch adding to his mystique, however his pro-MAGA stance drops his chances.
Gordon Ramsay—He has the potty-mouth and disdainful character to come out of Hell’s Kitchen as Hell’s maitre de. However, his life of generous service to failing restaurateurs indicates very un-A-C tendencies.
Keith Richards – The death defying lead guitarist of one of rock ‘n’ rolls seminal super bands appears to be walking the earth like an immortal. Insiders tell us Sympathy for the Devil was autobiographical.
