Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Johnny Bananas is the world's first Truly Professional Fake News Reporter! The legend of Johnny Bananas grows like a...well a ripe banana on a sick and dying tree.  Mr. Bananas (He/Is/Awesome) has taken fake news and satire and fused them into an artform that, once swallowed, goes down like a jagged little red pill that tastes like sweet honey.  As the saying goes, once you've gone Bananas you'll never go back.
Pinocchio with long nose

Disney To Launch New Pinocchio Network

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

After watching their quarterly earnings drop for a seventh consecutive time the masters of programming at Disney believe they have just the venture to overturn their capsizing business. Seizing on the spot soon to be vacated by a failing CNN network that can barely pull five hundred thousand viewers for their prime time programming, Disney … Read more

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North Pole Predicts Delays As Naughty List Reaches Record Length

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Reports coming from the North Pole anticipate a long Dark Winter for most of the world’s population this Christmas thanks largely to a recent spike in names added to the naughty list. “We usually have a pretty substantial list thanks to China but this year it’s off the charts” commented List Master Steve Keebler. Our … Read more

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With Rise in Suicides Help Is On the Way from the Clinton Foundation

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

The devastating rise in the national suicide level has caught the attention of the Clinton Foundation. One look at the numbers and it’s obvious – it is an epidemic. Last year suicide was the number two cause of death amongst Americans aged 25-34.

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Pfizer Releases New Climate Change Vaccine

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Catastrophic Climate Change is happening all around the world and the executives at Pfizer believe they have the cure. A new Climate Change Vaccine (CCV) has been developed and is currently being tested on unsuspecting people throughout the continents of Europe, Asia, Africa, North America, South America, West America, and some islands. “It’s getting really … Read more

hammered

Thoughts and Prayers for Pelosis

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

When I heard the news about the horrific tool-related attack on Paul Pelosi the other day I immediately smelled a rat and knew something wasn’t right. So I did some investigating and as I suspected… The man is first of all white and male, which means there is a nearly 100% chance he is a … Read more

Locker room dispute transgender randolph VT

Randolph Girls Volleyball Team Stripped

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

The Randolph (Girls) Volleyball team was stripped of its titles dating all the way back to 1897 this week by the Vermont Athletic Group on Diversity, Inclusion, and Equity. After winning this year’s state championship the all-white, all-girls, all-Randolph Volleyball team was cited for athletic racism and lack of diversity. The team raised international fake … Read more

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Condos Believes Vermont Can Be #1

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Vermont Secretary of State Jim Condos has been looking at the data and crunching the numbers and is excited about this year’s mid-term elections. “We’re ready to take the top spot” beams a confident Condos. Which spot is that? According to a Heritage Foundation Election Integrity Scorecard Vermont currently ranks 47 out of 51 states … Read more

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Hell Begins Construction On Border Wall

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

A spokesman for the Underworld Safety Council took the podium in Hades earlier this week to explain to an eager press corps why they have begun construction on a new border wall.

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Uncle Sam Zombie

New Halloween Horror Films (For Leftists)

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Following the success of their feature film hits Run, Hide, Fight and the Shut In, the crew at the Daily Wire have their sites set on Halloween.  Though conservative horror films are a relatively new genre they are confident there is a viewing audience awaiting their latest offerings.

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elon musk toking on a joint

Musk To Annex Instagram from Facebook

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

After Conquering Twitter, Elon Musk Set To Invade Facebook

The world of social media geopolitics is undergoing a shift of apocalyptic proportions.

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The Home Depot

Martha’s Vineyard Makes Amends for Migrant Debacle

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

After receiving loads of migrants and the criticism for having them deported with military force, the residents of Martha’s Vineyard are extending a cilantro branch to the Latino community by having a Home Depot franchise built at the entry point to the exclusive island. On behalf of the residents, the elite island spokesperson Bunny Tisbury … Read more

Crown

Goodbye Norma Jean: England Bids Farewell to Queen

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

I could hardly believe the news this past weekend when I learned that British nobility, Her Royal Majesty Elton John, had passed away. While on tour in Australia, the queen was attacked by a crocodile, tripped, and fell trying to escape only to plummet headlong into a rock. The irony of it all was not … Read more

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This Week In Fake Knews: 8-29-22

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Science Retires In a somewhat shocking announcement, Science has retired from public service. After several years of receiving harsh criticism and being hard to follow, Science has decided it’s had enough in serving the public. Fans of Science are shocked with many turning to chemistry to cope while others are putting their faith in quasi-scientific … Read more

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Fake News from New Hampshire – This Week of 8-21 to 8-27

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Concord State House To Build First Totally Inclusive 152 Bathroom Multiplex A close third on the priority list for the Biden Administration, behind Ukrainians and illegal immigrants, is the ++ community. These are people so confused by math and science they cannot identify with a long-established biological binary. Rather than waste precious hours teaching them … Read more

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Fake News for the Week (8/15-8/20)

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Hollywood Updates Insensitive Movie Titles Hollywood is usually the first to speak up for the rights of the underprivileged, who also happen to never live in Hollywood. The Screen Actors Guild along with the Harvey Weinstein Foundation have teamed up to bring classic movie titles, once perfectly acceptable in lights on the marquee, into the … Read more

Ukraine Strong Hartland VT Johnny B

FBI Raid Leads To Prospect of Moving Epstein Island To Mar-a-Lago

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

In a shocking turn of events, the Federal Bureau of Investigation conducted a surprise raid on the 45th President of the United States Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate. The heavily armed agents were said to have conducted the raid with a warrant issued by the former Epstein attorney turned Judge. The federal agents are in search … Read more

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Bananas Research Center: National Survey

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Yesterday’s VDC article covered the speech given by Vermont Senator and Ultra-mega Socialist Bernie “Uncle Bern” Sanders. Citing a variety of national polls comrade Sanders expressed concern over the following: Gallup poll – the approval rating for Congress is at 16% with massive numbers of people disapproving of the work we are doing here. University … Read more

Gender Dysphoria pronouns The Blaze

Johnny Dearest: Am I Watching Too Much Jordan Peterson?

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Johnny Dearest, I feel like perhaps I’ve been watching too much Jordan Peterson lately. It started when I refused to use the preferred pronouns of my second-grade teacher Mrs. Queequeg, who outed itself to the class as a queer non-binary gender fluid enviro-metro sexual. I don’t even know what pronouns are so I said “No … Read more

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Johnny Dearest: Readit: AITA?

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Johnny Dearest, I (M79) took over this job where the guy (M76) before me was loved by all of his crazy fans. He was a total bully who was on social media all the time saying the meanest things about me and my friends. Since I’ve taken over on the job I helped get our … Read more

I am Ditzy Pixabay Geralt-24682 Pixabay license

How To Know If You’re A Useful Idiot

by Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

Being an idiot is one of the lesser desired roles in life, in fact, most people don’t set out to be idiots. By its very nature idiocy is wrought mostly by dumb luck, hence the term. Idiots are typically the butt of many jokes, the involuntary black sheep in social circles, often with little or … Read more

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