In his latest 4-D chess move the former CEO of America, Donald Trump, has managed to get Democrats to defend the Bible. Despite years and decades of mocking the most Holy Book while flat out defying its clear commandments, the Democrat party had a sudden change of heart upon hearing the King of the Solarverse, Donald Trump, is selling them for the economy-adjusted price of just $60.
Among those criticizing the Potent Patriarch are such religiously devout secularists as Raphael Warnock (Sen. – GA).
“The Bible does not need Donald Trump’s endorsement,” Warnock, the pastor of Atlanta’s historic Ebenezer Baptist church, said to CNN’s State of the Union on Sunday. Speaking on Transgender Visibility Day (formerly Easter), one of the Democrat Party’s holiest celebrations next to the other 117 sexidays, Warnock added: “It’s a risky bet because the folks who buy those Bibles might actually open them up, where it says things like thou shalt not lie, thou shalt not bear false witness, where it warns about wolves dressed up in sheep’s clothing.” However Warnock might heed his own warnings. As the Bible says, those who wear glasses around the house should not get stoned, or some such proverbial truthiness. The never sheepish Warnock apparently was unclear on the Bible’s injunction for “husbands (to) love your wives”(Ephesians 5:25) as he deliberately ran over his wife’s foot following an argument about a woman’s right to choose to collect delinquent child-support payments.
Not to be outdone the Biden Administration declared the holiest day in Christendom will now be recognized as Transgender Visibility Day. Former Vice President Joe Biden is a man known for his devout Catholic piety. From swimming in his garden of Eden suit in front of female Secret Service agents to his unutterable reverence for “you know the Thing”, Joe Biden is practically a choir boy among men. Where the Lord was known to say “keep not the little children from me” (Matt 19:14) Joe Biden is a man after God’s own heart, and His small children, laying his hands on them like a faith healer during an end-of-the-month fundraiser. Like Trump he is also fairly squeamish when it comes to picking a favorite Bible verse but prefers to keep his faith private. One shining example of his privacy and extreme humility is this article about how humble he is with pictures and videos so everyone can see for themselves. “It’s like that one passage where Jesus talks about being rewarded for PDA’s to God or something like that? He’s so righteous. He’s so righteous he’s lefteous!” says long time donor Thomas Foolery.
Accusations of Trump being a false prophet were also levied by former congressmen and false Republican Adam Kinzinger who took to X to warn the easily fleeced public:
“The fact that Donald is now selling Bibles is proof that he’s a false prophet for profit. Pastors beware: you will be held to account for how you led your people. Trump is an abomination to God and our country”
From his Truth Social platform the President of Bibles shot back:
“LITTLE ADAM KINZINGER WOULDN’T KNOW A PROFIT IF HE HAD NANCY PELOSI’S FINANCIAL ADVISOR! WHAT A LOSER THAT GUY IS! HE’S SO DUMB HE PROBABLY THINKS THE BOOK OF JOB IS ABOUT EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES! TOTAL RINO!”
He then shared his most recent bank statement that showed a deposit for just north of $3 billion dollars thanks to his IPO earnings from Truth Social before lobbing one final holy hand-grenade of a tweet: