After years of conflict and turmoil between the two racially motivated institutions the NAACP and White Supremacists have found common ground. In a stunning turn of events the NAACP recently announced it is awarding the National White Supremacy Movement for Outstanding Efforts In Diversity thanks to several unlikely heroes.
2021 saw the Los Angeles Times acknowledge the gubernatorial campaign run by Larry Elder out of California for its unique spin in the culture. Elder, described by his liberal California neighbors as a “very, very black man” was dubbed by the local newspaper “The Black Face of White Supremacy” which shocked many throughout the Golden State and rest of the country for the sheer oxymoronic nature of the claim. Little did they know that White Supremacy was getting a face-lift.
Bananas Media reached out to long-time black white supremacist Clayton Bigsby for comment.
“People need to understand if white supremacy is going to have a chance it needs to start including black folks.” Bigsby noted that the numbers of actual white supremacists have been dwindling since their hey-days in the early 1900s. “White supremacists have a long standing tradition of creating job opportunities for the community. Colleges are pumping out DEI coordinators like white babies in Utah, so we need to give them something to focus on. If white supremacy is going to survive it needs to be open and inclusive of blacks” Bigsby said to the applause of long-time racist experts Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Bono and David Duke. Bono then led them in a singing of “We Are the World” and Bigsby’s personal favorite, “Ebony and Ivory”.
Also of note were the recent additions to the global White Supremacist movement, the Latinos, who were recognized for the recent contribution thanks to Mauricio Garcia who expressed his love for the white race by shooting eight random people at a mall in Texas, including two Asians, one East Indian, a fellow Latino, a mostly white French-Euro man and two Latino children. Though the motive for the shooting was clearly White Supremacy, spokesmen for N.O.W. (National Organization for Weed) Cheech and Chong thanked Garcia for his commitment to diversity, equity and inclusion and behalf of the larger Latino community. Muay bueno blancos!
In another victory for White Supremacy 19 year-old Sai Varshith Kandula rented a U-haul in order to drive it to what he considered the most obvious place to find a fellow white supremacist, the White House. Citing disappointment to discover Joe Biden, despite his pasty eastern liberal countenance, was in fact black, Kandula drove the rented truck into the gated community before exiting the vehicle and carefully unfurling a bright red Nazi flag to give credit where credit is due, and several fans and media outlets the perfect photo-op. Fellow Nazi Ben Shapiro praised the young man for his enthusiasm in support of movement as well as U-haul for their history of leadership in the trans movement after which he reminded listeners to buy his book The Authoritarian Moment.
Shapiro’s alma mater Harvard, along with Yale and several Ivy League colleges issued a statement acknowledging the need for White Supremacy to re-consider allowing Asians into the movement out of fear they might succeed at too great a rate thus keeping African American White Supremacists on the margins. Speaking on behalf of the marginalized, nine-time New York Times best-selling author Ibram X Kendi reminded the press with his ubiquitous proverb “the only remedy to past racism is future racism”. Word to your mother.
Finally, the Black Panthers, in an effort to keep pace with their racist counterparts, have announced their new spokesman for the 2023 season will be Anderson Cooper.
(Editor’s note: At the time of print of this article the NAACP still has a travel warning for black people looking to visit Florida.)
