In case you live under a rock anywhere other than the rubble in Gaza, you likely have heard we are long overdue for a world war with the Jews as the centerpiece, because why not? Though Ukraine and Russia showed serious promise, it just wasn’t generating the kind of “back by popular demand” energy one gets from our favorite contestants: Everybody vs. the Jews!
God knows we need something to spice up our otherwise boring day-to-day lives. Climate change has been tepid at best as an existential crisis and the COVID virus fizzled out like an unattended can of Bud Light. Black Lives Matter isn’t ready to rock until we are all ready to vote, so we need something of a palate cleanser to keep the doldrums from setting in that can also justify these $7 gallons of gas.
However a silly little Sabbath day skirmish just won’t get it done patriots! We need something that can not only keep eyes on the screens but bring this country together against a common enemy who live in a gated community half-way around the world. Those Jihadis on the wrong side of the razor wire messed with the wrong international police force – I tell you what! What would Jewish Jesus do in this situation? Let’s hear it from the holy horse’s mouth:
The Prince of Pieces of terrorist body’s flying through the air has spoken! So let it be written, so let it be done. Amen.
If you’re not convinced by the Word of God then perhaps one of His emissaries can set you straight. Pastor Greg Locke, never one to mince words, was fresh out of rants once COVID passed and he’s here to remind you God loves Israel and hates Arabs (among others). Setting aside the call to not display one’s righteous deeds in public Mr. Locke was so full of the spirit of death he took to the pulpit to remind us the only answer to religiously motivated terror is religiously motivated genocide. In case you weren’t sure who he was reppin’ the stage was covered in Israeli flags and bellicose hyperbole. Talk about charisma! It’s nice to see he had a change of heart about the government and the media not being trustworthy and trampling our rights and has put his trust back in a government and media ready to trample other people’s rights. That’s called repentance heathens.
Now you might think getting the economy going is reason enough for Joe Biden to bring us into a mostly peaceful world war, by proxy of course. I mean, these missiles aren’t going to shoot themselves and the folks at Lockheed Martin and Raytheon are piling up the inventory, so let’s quit fooling ourselves into thinking we can put food on the table peacefully. Don’t be ridiculous. We don’t need another union strike in the weapons sector right now Habibi. The American people just got the dog woke up in them and we’re itching for a fight. In other words, it’s time to wag the dog bitches!
With an epic battle like this about to rage for the machine we’re going to need a soundtrack, or at least a single to hit the airwaves as, you know, like an anthem? I like Toby Keith and Barbara Streisand for a duet. How do you like “I’ll Be Bombing Hamas for Christmas” as a title?
In Jesus name, of course.
