To Help Americans better understand President Obama’s Jobs Program VII – The Return of The Laser-Like Focus, the Democrat National Committee has released this image for the DNC/Obama “Ladder to Success” Jobs program.
Originally Published Aug 11, 2011
Ladder to Success is a Department of Labor initiative to keep America moving. The subtle implications of the hamster wheel as indicative of your future on the government dole were dismissed by the Administration as nothing more than regurgitated rhetoric–talking points handed out by Rush Limbaugh, the voice of the Republican Party.
The man pictured, Benjamin Dover, has exhausted his 199 weeks of unemployment and is currently one of the record numbers of citizens relying on government handouts like welfare and food stamps for their livelihood.
As part of the work for the future “Ladder to Success” program, participants can earn sanctioned “extras” like 30 minutes of additional heating or cooling in their Government funded Community Environment Luxury Living (CELL) accommodations in any given month after enough credits have been accrued, pursuant to the Department of Energy Standards and limitations for Household Environmental Management rules, and only if they have committed to six hours per day of kinetic perambulatory engagement with the Manster wheel, at least five days per week, over the required contract period, without days missed in excess of the minimum participation agreement. This particular wheel powers the automatic, low-volume flush toilets at Obama’s new National Labor Relations Board -Ministry of rules administration for left-handed albino homosexuals in workplace crisis.
The credits can also be exchanged for wood chips, or time to deploy a semi-porous retractable covering over the manster wheel in the event of inclement weather or other unanticipated rooftop conditions.
Installation and maintenance of the wheels, is said to have created or saved over one million union jobs, which party officials insist has absolutely no relevance to a marked increase in union campaign donations to Democrats and the Democrat party of close to 300 million annually.
Mrs. Obama has gotten involved as well, dovetailing her anti-obesity “Let’s Move” initiative with the new ‘Ladder to Success’ Program, providing fresh vegetables from the White House Garden TM (WHG) to participants during work hours. Bits of carrot and celery, broccoli sprouts, and fresh lettuce leaves, as well as water are hand fed to program participants by public union employees from Homeland Securities new Division of Domestic Motion Enforcement–The Department of Sustenance for A Stronger America (DDMEDSSA).
The Agriculture department and DDMEDSSA estimate that The Garden will continue to yield produce for the millions of Americans the Administration hopes to eventually “place” in the Ladder to Success program, despite the drought conditions in (redacted) where most of the WHG vegetables are actually grown. A spokesman for DDMEDSSA claims there will also be plenty of opportunity for Photo-Ops with the First Lady, Jillian Michaels from the Biggest loser, and Jared from the Subway commercials, handing fresh WHG produce to grateful participants as they climb the Obama Ladder to Success.
But the benefits to the nation don’t stop there. Health minister Kathleen Sibelius, and the CDC, in a joint report designed to encourage participation in Ladder To Success, noted that the program should improve health outcomes for obesity, saving the taxpayers 245 trillion dollars over ten years. Not mentioned, however, was a DHHS memo released the same week requesting 245 billion per year in budget increases, for pain killers, knee braces, other orthopedic devices and even crutches. Inside sources would not confirm if their was any relationship between the program and the new budget request.
Not pictured is this image, but critically important to the initiative, is a small flat panel television, affixed in a weatherproof enclosure, on which participants must watch MSNBC for the duration of each shift. This has improved the networks otherwise abysmal ratings and while not everyone was thrilled by the programming limitation at first, most participants agree that watching this programming has made the work in the wheel seem less tedious by comparison. Their is also general agreement that the networks ad campaign, Lean Forward, has served as a helpful reminder to maintain a proper forward body position during their shift, and is a suitable synonym to describe their new working relationship with the Federal Government, Bend over.
Officials claim that they should be able to put every American back to work with the Ladder to Success program, while reducing dependence on foreign energy, noting that simply letting the government tap their labor directly in exchange for services controlled entirely by the federal government was easier than Democrats continuing to pretend that anything anyone else earns is or has ever actually been theirs in the first place; or that they are capable of knowing how best to invest their labor output in the economy to achieve a proper socialist utopian superstate.
Authorization and administration details for the program are available in a 56,000 page report with links throughout to the 245 thousand page rule book used by relevant departments to administer the program. All documentation complies with the Reducing The Paperwork Reduction Act.
Note: The administration continues to defend program waivers given to Democrat women, illegal immigrants and non-conservative African Americans. Spokesman with DoJ have indicated that they will use anti-bullying legislation and anti-discrimination suits against the misogynists, racists, and anyone fomenting misleading attacks by the right wing tea-party terrorists and those who want to take women’s health back to the 1700’s and redistribute wealth to the richest Americans.
Authors Note 9/18/2022: The original featured image was no longer available, so it was replaced for effect. Also, this seems more relevant now than ever. Europe is back to burning wood for heat and electricity. The Elites are pushing electric cars no one will be able to drive. So, while this was a joke in 2011, and it’s still amusing (IMO), it’s beginning to look a lot like where we are today or where we’re heading.
So, vote the bums out.
