There are growing concerns about the appearance of John Kerry, one of the Democratic Party’s premier politruks, former presidential standard bearer, George W. Bush’s burr under the saddle, and Joe Biden’s Climate Tsar, er, without portfolio.
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It has been reported that the former Winter Soldier “looked terrible” in a recent public appearance, with fears that he was “suffering from some illness that has been or must be kept secret,” such was his unhealthy pallor.
First of all, Mr. Kerry has been an excessively busy lad, jet-setting back and forth between Washington D.C. and his beloved Europe, decrying the ongoing and permanent collapse of the Earth’s ecosystem, the melting of the Earth’s ice, the decreasing pressure on the Earth’s crust, while conveniently forgetting the increasing number of dead cetaceans clogging beaches already suffering from erosion from the robust ocean currents which carry heat away from the tropics to locales like Iceland and Ireland and make them liveable.
Mr. Kerry has recently enquired about the purchase of vast swaths of the Arabian desert, especially the Nafud region which is jocularly called the ‘Sun’s Anvil’ in the works by T.E. Lawrence and is plagued by miles of hot red sand. Mr. Kerry believes that gigantic sea-going vessels powered by electrical screws and steered by AI should soon be silently crossing the increasingly vast oceans due to the ceaseless melting of ice while bulging at their welded seams from their hundred thousand tons of sand. These costly untested and yet-to-be-constructed leviathans should be preferred by every one of us instead of the use of Arabia’s destructive petroleum, if not our own, because they represent the future electric. They are needed to rebuild God’s own Cape Cod beaches and those on the island where both he and Barack Obama each occupy an incredibly opulent chateau totally beyond the price range of even Brentwood – Nantucket.
But all this policy wonking and calculator button pushing is fatiguing for Mr. Kerry, a man not used to sitting down and hammering out the smallest of ecological details, the everyday hurly-burly which is usually left to his operatives, his swelling personal staff and his pilot.
Nope, being on the road, ensconced in cheap five and six star hotels without the services of dedicated wonkeroonies like Br’er Pete Buttigieg to explain things and get the stuff needed to remain a gentleman, is doubly taxing on a man who is used to farming out all of the menial assignments. Now, having to learn the intricacies of governmental involvements, internal rates of return, paybacks, quid pro quo’s, all about a big sister and the he/she/it/me ragtime, and the exceedingly treacherous working Catholic families who prefer the liturgy in Latin–the latter an anathema to Mr. Kerry and to his confrere’s in Davos and the White House. Managing these expectations is just plain stultifying to the very man who put the word stultifying on that “auld” map of the island hanging on the interior wall of the Shell station on Sparks Avenue on Nantucket.
But it is tiring for a man of his advanced years with all those miles on his well-worn and highly buttressed chassis and on his perfect hair which requires the treble wash made famous by studious Gwyneth Paltrow wannabes.
The highly onerous task of convincing, and later ordering, dukes and paupers alike to give up everything that he never will is fatiguing and a waste of time because as the sworn appointee for the protection of the entire planet, he should be believed about everything he says and never questioned. After all, he IS John Forbes Kerry. After all, he’s a Boston Brahmin aristocrat and a peer of the realm who has moved, from sheer dint of will, from sleeping in his car while keeping ahead of those street cleaning tickets and those equally surly Boston meter maids to slumbering on the cool pressed silk sheets in the AlpenGold Hotel in Davos, where a personal assistant irons his skivvies, his sheer black hosiery and garters, his NY, LA, and London Times and buffs his bespoke cap toe oxfords to a high gloss.
Of course, it’s also extremely exhausting to watch the incredible worship heaped on poor old Biden despite Joe’s gaseous eruptions before the dreaded Camilla Parker Bowles and how Mr. Biden really embarrassed the free world by breaking wind loud enough to cause noticeable tittering in the fawning crowd of high borns from whom Joe aspires to receive that exclusive invitation.
Imagine a man from Scranton garnering that many kudos from the Pelosi side of the aisle. It’s an affront to a man with Mr. Kerry’s accomplishments at sea, at home, in preparatory school in the same state where the damnable GHW Bush attended Exeter, in front of the camera, in the marriage aisle, and once or twice upon the floor of the Senate. It has to be a put-up job by the turncoat media the way they slaver over Joe and petulant Dr. Jill who are just grifting plebeians who must depend on Uncle Sap’s jets for travel to the hot spots instead of Kerry’s oh-so-plush Gulfstream IVG with the Windsor leather pilot seats, personal vanity mirrors and heated towel racks.
Then there’s the Mr. Smallweed business. People chuckled about it because of his past traipsing around Boston, throwing himself in front of any live camera he could, being called “Live Shot” for his troubles, passing off grave comments on any inconsequential situation he could locate, then doing exactly the same thing nationally when afforded that capability.
But what do they know? Nothing!
He’s tried his damnedest to get felons the vote. He’s pontificated on the prolonged follies of the Afghan War and the crying need for electric autos. He’s supported Honest John Murtha in his endeavors and John’s jump to war crimes investigator, judge, and jury. He’s worked hard to make illegal aliens instant citizens and Democratic voters just as he has kept them off Nantucket. He’s toed the unpopular lines to make America smarter and more survivable. He’s exposed America’s sins first to Boston and then to the whole world. He’s called President Bush a fool of a man and President Trump an irredeemable lout. And Mr. Kerry has always offered to cut and run on a specific timetable to give our enemies a date certain for their victory. Though it now appears that old Joe Biden beat him at that game in Afghanistan.
Then again, the prolonged and excessive use of botox is said to be unhealthy with those frozen facial muscles, squinting eyes, and that manic deer-in-the-headlights look.
Who can really say why Mr. Kerry is looking so poorly lately? Maybe he is ailing. But if he is, I suspect one of the real reasons is due to the prolonged exposure to the hogwash he is continually prancing through in the name of Democrat politics. That stuff’ll give you the grippe and things even botox can’t fix or hide.
[and of course, my favorite – Lurch! -Skip]
Or, with all his surgery | Botox, how’s this comparison with Star Trek’s Deep Space Nine Security Chief Odo. Same flat and smooth face?]
But only one is unabashedly wearing make-up…