Go Smoke Your Woke - Granite Grok

Go Smoke Your Woke

wreath christmas Photo by Trey Musk on Unsplash

With Christmas just a few days away, the ‘woke brigade’ is working hard to ensure every little lib’s dreams come true. So let’s take a look at what their busy workshops have been doing lately…

First up, the non-profit, Wreaths Across America, take one day a year, December 18 this year, to place beautiful, handmade balsam wreaths on veterans’ graves, in a token of honor for all that they have done for our country. But the Military Religious Freedom Foundation had a problem with this generous act of tribute, claiming it is like “carpet bombing” and “creating territory that is a Christian territory,” Whoa.

The WAA said they have always respected the wishes of families who do not wish to have a wreath placed and many of the wreaths are sponsored by the families.

Fortunately, this year’s ceremonies did take place at “3,136 participating locations across the country. Our nation’s heroes were remembered as each name was said aloud and honored as over 525 truckloads of wreaths were delivered – representing 390 different carriers. And over two million volunteers, a third of whom were children, helped to place more than 2.4 million veterans’ wreaths on the headstones of our fallen across the country.”

Many thanks, WAA, for continuing to extend gratitude to our fallen military heroes and for those interested in sponsoring a wreath for next year, please visit their website.

And by the way, in case you didn’t hear, the military has decided to stop making faith-based dog tags after receiving one complaint, just one…

Ok. Continuing on with our woke wreath scrooges, we have Emory University. Members of the school’s Alpha Tau Omega fraternity were told on December 3 that the Christmas wreath hanging on the front of their residence was a violation of school policy thereby requiring an “incident report.”

Unfortunately, as it was their second offense this year, the Office of Student Conduct would be looking into the matter. What was their first offense, you ask? Inflatable polar bears on the lawn just before Thanksgiving. Fight the power, kids, fight the power…

In other Holiday harpooner news, in attempting to follow its own politically correct and inclusive document, Guidelines on Inclusive Communication, the EU wound up with egg on its face after trying to ban the word ‘Christmas.” Some members of the European Parliament began to wonder if even the names of people, that are of Christian and biblical origins, will become off-limits too?

One frustrated MEP said, “In the era of susceptibility, even calling things by your name or wishing a Merry Christmas has become a discriminatory attitude, to be pursued in the name of the politically correct.” Exactly, and as Tiny Tim exclaimed, “God Bless Us, Everyone!”

Switching gears, Democratic Rep. Ayanna Pressley of Massachusetts took to social media on Dec. 17 to push President Biden to universally cancel student debt for U.S. college students and graduates, writing, “Let’s make it plain: student debt is policy violence.” I don’t know about you, but I’m sure some DA is chomping at the bit to be the first to prosecute that charge…

Next up, woke health insurance. Yes, you read that right. Introducing Oscar Health. It seems in Oscar Health’s latest commercial, the actor says, “Know what really hurts? When you go to the doctor and they don’t believe you’re in pain because of the color of your skin.” Wow. Okay. Well, making sure patients are comfortable with their medical providers is a noble endeavor and should be a goal for every insurer, but claiming doctors don’t believe people just because of their skin color is, well, rather inflammatory.

And in utility news, “blackouts” will now be referred to as “load shedding” so as to not hurt anyone’s feelings. Seriously?

And now we come to our last story. A story so important, it could be life-altering for some Grumpy readers out there. Brace yourselves, kids, because the pot industry in California is on the verge of collapse. Yes, it’s true.

Now, I’m sure many potheads out there thought that the government’s legalization of their Sweet Mary Jane would lead to heaven on earth. Unfortunately, they forgot about one tiny detail: getting the government involved in anything either makes it more expensive or ruins it completely. Who knows…maybe it’s all just up in smoke…

Suck it up buttercups, there’s always worse news tomorrow…


-The Grumpy Observer