“Investigators” (doing business as Biden’s Lawyers) continue searching for misplaced Obama-Era classified documents ferreted away by his former Vice President. And if they are being honest, they could be anywhere.
Related: All 128,000 Hunter Biden Laptop Emails Plus Ashley Biden’s Entire Diary
China, Ukraine, anywhere Joe found himself at any point, though the exact number of locations is not clear.
“The Vodka is a little cloudy on this one. Joe likes to embellish his history,” said one investigator. “Every time he opens his mouth, we find a new list of possible locations to search. Places he might have been or revisited in recent years and left something for which the general population does not have clearance.”
One team located some suspect material between the conditioner and shampoo in Ashley Biden’s shower.
“They’ve got a history, so it’s something we had to look at.”
The documents were a bit damp, but teams are reviewing the material to ensure it is not overly sensitive. Ashley was not interrogated as to whether she had read the documents or if Hunter had stopped by to freshen up.
“There was a used crack pipe and some pornography in the bathroom, but Ashley assured us that it belonged to one of the homeless people she was helping “get back on their feet.”
“They don’t have bathrooms,” she said.
Ashley has no known connection to Republicans or Donald Trump, so we took her word for it. Those Bidens are givers; no one could ever suspect them of any wrongdoing, even with sensitive documents lying around.
“And it’s not like the Chinese Government had established a real-time hack to a secret server while she was Secretary of State.”
Ashley Biden has, of course, never been Secretary of State, so, of course not.
*If you did not realize, this is a parody. Well, most of it is.
