Satire: “Irony or caustic wit used to expose folly, vice or stupidity.” The American Heritage Dictionary.
The scene is a Hollywood celebrity’s mansion in the Hamptons. A group of Democratic National Committee-appointed Socialist elites has gathered to plot its strategy for the 2020 general election. The chairperson has just arrived, so let’s listen in.
Ms. Marxlenin (Chairperson): Sorry I’m late, but I’ve just returned from a rousing DNC Task force meeting where we celebrated the imbedding of political correctness and sensitivity training into every nook and cranny of society and our success at bringing multi-millionaire athletes, who seek justice, to their knees. We’re elated that we can tell the public what to be offended at, and we’ve even honed comedy down to the 4 things at which we will permit anyone to laugh: Christianity, conservatism, bodily functions and white males. But, and most exciting, we’ve finally decided on the composition of the committee which will run the country and control all the little people – in the event our candidate wins the Presidency. So, that aside, I’d like to thank Mr. Limelighter for inviting us to this coastal palace. And, I have to ask, weren’t you one of the 17 celebrities who threatened to leave the country, if the Orange Man got elected?
Mr. L: Well, yes, but since we all have honorary political science degrees, we self-identify as being really smart. So, we agreed that, rather than disappear and become completely irrelevant, why not stay here, travel around the country as speakers, spew university-created epithets and pile on the hate at Trump and his supporters. That way, we still remain irrelevant – but we get paid for it.
Ms. M: Good decision. Oh, and one more thing. Congressperson AOC claims that, because of man-made climate change, we’re going to be “underwater” and the world will be destroyed. Aren’t you concerned about falling into the ocean?
Mr. L: Well, I was at first, because democratic party officials and their associates in the media and colleges predicted, 10 times since 1967, that the world would end. However, when Barack Obama bought an $11.75 million dollar mansion on Martha’s Vineyard, I felt much better. Besides, AOC has assured us that she’s given the earth another 10 years, and all we have to do is retrofit all buildings with solar panels, eliminate jet travel and kill the cows. I can tell you more later, after I fly to Sweden for the man-made global warming conference. I hope it’s still on. My private pilot called earlier and advised there might be a chance of snow. I was really looking forward to the Köttbullar.
Ms. M: Okay. Let’s get down to business. Because of the party’s history of minority oppression and progressive measures, usually centered around the break-up of the American family, 50% of the population now pays for the other 50%. Also, we’re making terrific inroads toward flooding the country with illegal voters and distributing them throughout the land.
Mr. Feelings: (tears in his eyes) What a lovely summary. I’m impressed. Oh, and I wish to formally apologize for having white skin.
Ms. M: Apology accepted.…So, what does our progress from the past tell you about our prospects for the future?
Mrs. Fact: That the democratic party cannot survive without creating and maintaining a permanent underclass of taxpayer-supported victims? (5 seconds of silence and an icy stare from Ms. M)
Ms. M: And, let’s take a brief moment to reflect on the passing of Justice Ginsberg. Although Trump honored her, he’s trying to replace the greatest social engineer to ever occupy that seat with someone who has a history of actually adhering to the Constitution! Despicable!! We’re going to turn this over to the DNC make-up Department!
Mr. Feelings: We have a make-up Department?
Ms. M: Yes. Whenever democratic senators and congresspersons want to perform a character assassination, we never have any evidence. So, we do what we do best. We just make it up. And, that’s a good segue into thanking our representative from the Democratic Narrative Network. Mr. DNN, you and the other media – especially the two major Washington and New York papers – have been vital for not exposing our party’s decades of corrupt activities. Also, while rioting by the Antifa and BLM thugs in our democrat-run cities runs rampant, you’ve done your best to under-report and blame everything on Trump. Karl Marx would be proud. So – and I think I speak for all of us in the party – we’re in your debt for spending more than 50 years failing to do your job.
Mr. DNN: Thanks.
Ms. M: Also, the 2 New Hampshire democratic U.S. senators just blamed Trump for attacking postal delivery. Good for them. We don’t want him getting in the way of our cheat-by-mail scam uhhhhhh…errrrr…vote-by-mail initiative. How else are we going to permit those who aren’t supposed to vote the right to cast a ballot in the safety of their own homes? Also, the senators celebrated the 100-year anniversary of women’s right to vote and their progress in achieving political office.
Mrs. Fact: Well, they may be extolling the virtues of women’s progress, but they conveniently failed to mention the democratic party’s 40-year “war on women” and attempt to stymy the republicans’ efforts to pass the 19th amendment – which they finally did in 1920.
Ms. M: That’s a fabricated lie! This party supports women 100% – as long as they agree with us! You know, you’re very annoying. Who are you anyway?
Mrs. Fact: I was sent here by the DNC to add balance to this discussion.
Ms. M: Well, I may be inhaling too much CO2 behind this $175 Emilio Pucci designer face mask – available at fine stores everywhere – (removes her fogged-up glasses) but somebody down there must be smoking something. The democratic party does not use facts or logic! We appeal to people’s emotions!!
Mrs. Fact: But…
Ms. M: Quiet!!!! Now, let’s turn to our immediate concerns: Kamala Harris has urged her followers to chip into a fund to bail the rioters out; evidence has surfaced depicting a 2009 physical altercation between Biden and a Secret Service Agent, when Joe groped the agent’s girlfriend, and recently uncovered emails reveal it is absolutely clear that Hunter Biden was providing foreign agents access to his father in exchange for his lavish salary. Yikes!!! So, since we don’t want our voting public to find out about any of this, what are we going to do?
Mr. DNN: A simple fix. Because of multiple nefarious democratic activities in the past, we know how to create a diversion. So, how about this? Top democratic politicians will conduct a solemn ceremony in the Capitol rotunda commemorating the demise of the eastern gray tree frog.
Mrs. Fact: But, the tree frog is not in peril.
Mr. DNN: We know that, but the public will believe anything we tell them. Okay, so the speaker of the house will appear in the traditional Dryophytes robe and assume a 2-minute headstand in the tripod position. 4 dour-looking democrat senators, wearing green tams, will perform the “dance of the lichen moss”, as they pirouette in counter-clockwise circles around her. Following this, they’ll help her to the upright position and attempt to restore whatever blood flow is remaining. Afterward, the senate minority leader will distribute a box of tissues to members of the media. The press will love it, and I figure we can milk this one for at least 6 days.
Mr. Feelings: I think I’m going to cry. I’m all for pro-frog legislation, but I can’t take any more controversy. Do you have a safe space in this house?
Mr. L: Yes. That would be the Gore Vidal bathroom. Make a left down the Jane Fonda Ho Chi Minh Trail, another left down the Joy Behar wind tunnel and it’s the fourteenth door on the left. By the way, the door knob turns to the left and the door opens to the left. But, upon your return, you’ll have to gradually turn to the right.
Mr. Feelings: I can’t do that. I’ve been programmed to think only one way.
Copyright Material William Dunham. Published with permission of the author.
