Having been Foster Parents for a bit, most “regular” folks have no idea what goes on other than what appears on TV for the worst of cases (e.g., Harmony Montgomery). So, I’m looking to add to that “knowledgebase” from time to time with some anecdotes from when we started with the Grandson nine years ago (and adopted him after the first three years) as well as from 2023 when we fostered a Granddaughter for 9 months, and now, two subsequent children as well.
This post is reaching backward a bit in time. Let’s just say that the GrandDaughter (“GD”) still has severe issues intellectually and emotionally. DCYF, via the Colebrook School District, dropping a dime…
Sidenote: do you know anyone under the age of, say, 35, that understands both the genesis of and what “drop a dime” really means? Ask some of the young’uns you know and then let us know, would you please?
…on the Eldest after he had to restrain her from further assaulting her much younger siblings. The immediate result was her placement with us. The “soon after that” was a series of “events” that had everyone rethinking the truth of the phrases “Eldest bad” and “she’s just quirky” and DCYF starting to rush therapists into the home and school to see how she ticked (and if there were other figurative “bombs” still ticking inside her. And even while I’ve had my run-ins with the Gilford School Board and Superintendents, I DO have to do a shout-out to the Gilford Special Ed folks for the above-the-call-of-duty work they did for her. After all, she did threaten, at one point, to kill or hurt her entire family, took a swing at the Grandson, and I thought I was going to have to restrain her during her ultimate escalation when standing only five feet from TMEW, she had turned the volume up to 11, literally vibrating, and her clenched fists were starting to rise up to her chest.
And I started to think to myself, “I’m going to be in the same situation that the Eldest finds himself in” – having to restrain her from hurting TMEW.
You may have noted that I’ve now used the words “restrain” and “restraint” – there’s a BIG reason for that, so be satisfied that this is a teaser for a later post.
A bit later on – to the Eldest’s DCYF Hearing in Family Court – when the Judge came into the courtroom, she asked everyone to introduce themselves the Eldest, his lawyer, the DCYF lawyer, and the DCYF Assessment Officer (that is, the title of folks that yank kids out of homes) did precisely that. The Judge then looked up a bit and asked, “And you are, sir?” as I was sitting in the peanut gallery.
“I am both her Grandfather and her Foster Parent (FP), your honor.”
Judicial Rule 4.4 allows an FP to be present where almost anyone else cannot be in the Hearing,
When a child is placed out of home, foster parents, pre-adoptive parents and/or relatives providing care for a child are entitled to notice of all review hearings, permanency hearings and post-permanency hearings and shall be allowed to be heard at these hearings, but shall not be given party status unless otherwise granted by the Court.
RE: “Shall” means mandatory, so it’s a most lovely word – at least for my purpose of being there. After three weeks of wargaming out what could happen and what I would say if called to the witness stand and wordsmithing three pages of questions for the Eldest’s lawyer (along with my answers to them), I heard the second most wonderful words after their heads swiveled around to look at me then snap to face each other:
“Your Honor, we would like to exclude this person from the courtroom as we are going to call him as a witness.”
Good thing I had been practicing my poker face, but I can tell you that my hands, sight unseen below the back of the pew in front of me, were rubbing themselves in outright glee. They had no idea of the torture they were about to endure. The First Law of Lawyering had just been violated: “Never ask a question of a witness unless you already know the answer.” Heh – freight train barreling down the tracks at full steam with whistle blowing with a maniacally faced engineer (er, me) looking out the window.
Let’s just say that the Eldest’s lawyer, upon seeing my beaming face after the Hearing’s conclusion, simply said, “You just robbed the world’s biggest candy warehouse and got away with it, didn’t you?”.
Ayup – opportunity rewards the prepared, and I was FAR more prepared than either of them, which made both look silly. The Judge was not amused. It’s my understanding that a couple of people are no longer in their former positions because of my testimony and the openings I made for the Eldest’s lawyer to follow up on. And having worked with him before, I know he is a PITBULL!
Long story short, the case was thrown out, and the Eldest was wholly exonerated.
So that was the fun part in a rather serious situation. Now for the bad part, as this isn’t over yet.
The Guardian Ad Litem (a person that a Court appoints to represent the best interest of such a child in a placement) and I had talked before the Hearing. She had taken the time to both observe the DG at a playground and we had a few phone calls both before and after.
We both agreed that while we could keep her safe and under control, and even though TMEW and I had attained the Skilled Care certification, the GD needed MUCH more, and we both agreed that her best placement should be in a medically/psychiatric-based group home. So I asked that if I was called to the stand, given that the Judge would call on her to ask me questions WHILE I was on the stand, to ask “Where should the GD be?”.
And she did, given that her 30 years of being a licensed social worker AND owning her own practice, knowing that was really the best outcome.
Unfortunately, that’s not what happened. The Judge did remand that the GD be transitioned home and that DCYF put in place INTENSIVE services for both her and her family. They did this but only for a few months, and then they withdrew them when the case officially closed.
And then, my Granddaughter tried to commit suicide twice by stabbing herself with a pen in the neck. The first time, at home, she was unsuccessful but lied about the bruising on her neck to her Mom. However, the next day at school, she tried it again, but a school employee caught her in the act.
Because no psych/med beds were available for her age group, she spent a couple of days in a local hospital’s Emergency Room. Then, she was transported to Hampstead Hospital.
Yes, the same one that has been in the news with all of the disturbances with kid violence this summer/fall time, resulting in the Hampstead Fire and Police being called many times – too many times seems to be the default of anyone in the know.
And it’s the same one that the NH Executive Council just voted on yesterday (I started this on 12/18 and am trying to finish some semblance of a post on 12/19/24) to have Dartmouth Health take over the management and staff with Sununu’s blessings.
I have two tales to tell that Hampstead directly involved me during the “bit longer than a week” stay but those will wait for. One is relatively minor but included me issuing a Right To Know demand. The other has to do with the level of care that this DCYF entity (and DCYF will maintain oversight even as the new staff will be Dartmouth employees/contractors) provides for my GrandDaughter.
To Be Continued…
