Depending upon in which circles you run, or chant among burning candles, the term conspiracy theory has no doubt been tossed around. Among most, it has become a pejorative term to dismiss those who voice their distrust in official narratives or reported stories of major world-changing events.
Among others, it’s a badge of honor indicating a healthy level of distrust for a world full of, often powerful and elite, criminal conspirators. At least that’s what Elvis told me at last’s weeks Tin-Foil Hat Brigade meeting.
It is important to note for a conspiracy theory to emerge there must always be an official story it is built to challenge.
Some of the more popular conspiracy theories include:
- Official story: President Kennedy was assassinated by lone gunman Lee Harvey Oswald.
- Conspiracy Theory: He was assassinated by a team of jilted female lovers working for the CIA
- Official story: 9/11 was coordinated by Osama Bin Laden and Saudi Arabian Muslim extremists
- Conspiracy Theory: 9/11 was an inside job coordinated by the FAA, Dick Cheney, and George Bush to raise awareness regarding the need for better airline pilots
The beautiful thing about both the official story and the conspiracy theories is their believability, or as one of my assets refers to it “plausible deniability.” What is plausible deniability? It’s the ability of the actual perpetrators (re: intelligence community) to claim denial of any wrongdoing on plausible grounds.
For you non-theorists, that’s a battlemented way of saying “lying.”
So, assuming JFK was shot by a coordinated effort among the CIA, anti-Castro Cubans, and the Mafia (as is assumed in Oliver Stone’s movie), all with shared means and motives, having Lee Harvey Oswald, a known Communist, at the scene and a narrative that claims he was the lone assassin, despite the reports of multiple shots from around the grassy knoll area, create a plausibly deniable scenario allowing the actual conspirators to escape.
The goal of most crimes is to escape unless you’re a mass shooter, which is obviously a suicide mission meant to call attention to your plight. Lee Harvey was a man ahead of his time.
With that in mind, we at the GraniteGrok Conspiratory are offering the world’s first Conspiracy Theory IQ Test! Are you shrewd, silly, or a simple sheep? Let’s find out.
The Moon Landing was…
- Faked by Stanley Kubrick and company shooting footage in the desert
- Real despite the impassible Van Allen Belt radiation, poorly shot photos of differing shadows, and lack of adequate fuel to return to earth
- Faked by aliens who secretly run our government from Area 51
- Real in the minds of the American public who needed the incentive to stay in Vietnam
- Confirmed in all of the NASA documents that are suddenly now all missing
- A & D
- None of the above
The Reichstag was burnt down by…
- A mentally ill man who had nothing better to do
- Mentally ill NAZI conspirators who wanted a pretext to take over Germany
- Extreme global warming unique to German government buildings
- Deiter and the Sprockets
- None of the above
Examples of a false flag (list all – 1 pt. for each correct answer)
- Any school shooting as a pre-text to disarm the public
- Any flag with a rainbow on it
- The Gulf of Tonkin torpedoing of American ships
- The Gleiwitz Station attack
- Operation Northwoods
- Betsy Ross’ first twelve attempts
- All of the above
Jesus Christ was killed by…
- The CIA, Mafia, and anti-Castro Cubans
- The Jewish religious leaders and Judas
- The sin of the world
- The Clintons
- All of the above
The type of rifle Lee Harvey Oswald used to not kill Kennedy with
- Mannlicher-Carcano
- AR-15
- AR-14
- AK-47
- Red Rider
- All of the above
The SARS-COV2 virus originated in…
- Wild Geese
- A Freemason Meeting in the City of London
- Wuhan, China
- The mind of Bill Gates
- The mind of Dean Koontz
- A bowl of guano soup
The 2020 election was…
- The most secure in history
- Fair in all but 49 states
- A record turnout for dead people
- Overrun with 2,000 mules
- A textbook example of an international conspiracy
- An extended infomercial for My Pillow
The Piltdown Hoax was…
- The result of evolution
- Solved by Sherlock Holmes
- Contrived by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and friends
- The result of orangutan parts “discovered” by Charles Dawson, Edgar Willet, and Pierre de Chardin
- The first attempt at making My Pillow
The Paperclip Conspiracy was…
- Oddly started by Staples employees
- Named for Milton’s triumphal burning down of Initech
- A secret military plan to help Nazi scientists escape Nuremberg and to the west where they continued their “science”
- Solved by Peter, Samir, and Michael with a bat in a field
The Tuskegee Syphilis experiment was…
- The origin of the Feel the Bern campaign
- A prime example of why you should trust the science
- Concocted by the US government as a way to see the damaging effects of syphilis on unsuspecting black men who they deceived
- The subject of Anthony Fauci’s doctoral thesis and inspiration for his life’s work
- Slightly better than the Tallahassee Gonorrhea experiment
Put down your number two and let’s total your score!
Answer key:
1. A, B, C, D & E (max 4 pts.)
2. B (1 pt.)
3. A, C, D & E (4 pts.)
4. A, B, C, D & E (4 pts.)
5. A (1 pt.)
6. A, B, C, D & E (5 pts.)
7. C, D & F (3 pts.)
8. D (1 pt.)
9. C (1 pt.)
10. C (1pt.)
Add’em up and find your score!
25-20 points – You are from a superior race, most likely aliens
19-14 points – You quit watching mainstream media years ago
13-8 points – Your public school education has not been wasted
8-4 points – You’re still upset about your CNN+ subscription being canceled
3 or less – You don’t read good
Congratulations and keep that head on a swivel, because the next conspiracy against mankind starts in three…two…
