Provincetown, Massachusetts was one of the early gay meccas. A recognized enclave of inclusiveness for those wandering about the gender spectrum. But this gaytopia, like all of Cape Cod, is under assault.
Related: Are Left-Wing Genderless Bathroom Policies Eroding LGBTQ Support Among Young Women?
Sharks are teeming in its waters, taking away these safe spaces.
It’s got to be the President’s fault. Global Warming. Climate Change. Trump derangement sharks. Hey, do they have laser beams on their heads? After all, every creature deserves a warm meal.
Why else would these predators be swarming around the waters of the cape?
Seal the Deal
The consensus (ooh, there’s that word again) is that it’s more of a West Side Story sort-of-a-thing. Seals vs. Sharks. Cue the music! When you’re a seal, you’re seal all the way, from your first tasty fish till your last dying day! – at the hands of a shark.
Seals, like most LGBTQ folks, are a protected species. And there are more seals on the cape than ever before. That has attracted a natural predator (of the seals, though sharks do not discriminate) the way coal plants attract Green-Tin-Foil-Hat enviros. Anti-capitalists in LL Bean gear touting the image quality of the camera on their latest iPhone as they step out of a Prius (to take pictures of seals).
The result is that no one feels safe. Oh, and Sharks are impacting tourism.
What to do about predators
The left typically likes predators but not when they are eating into their government profits. So, Bay state democrats should consider a new tax. It’s their verb! They could use what’s left over after they take their cut to reimburse the fisherman whose livelihoods these seals are destroying. Or maybe fund goat yoga classes for non-English speakers.
Of course, since seals are on mother nature’s dole, crafty Democrats will need to milk the locals instead. Seals don’t have pockets to pilfer. But thanks to declining tourism and fewer fish or fisherman the locals may have less to give. But that never stopped the Left. They love interfering with the natural order of everything.
The one-party-state could raise the bridge toll to $100.00. Up the gas tax on the cape by a buck-a-gallon. Both? Use the money to erect windmills that will kill all the sea birds because Global warming must be to blame for this catastrophic Seal-level rise. And all these sharks. I know, they promised biblical plagues of insects and not ocean mammals, but you never let a crisis go to waste. Change the narrative. Tax it. Blame rich white people (unless they are gay Democrats) and fundraise off that.
And, make sure you blame Trump. The worst Republican President since the last Republican President – George W. Bush. He used to be Hitler, but liberals can’t stop lovin’ him since he hates Trump too. And it’s okay to love the old Hitler if he seals the deal when it comes to bi-partisan hatred of the new Hitler.
That’s just another day in the Left-Wing neighborhood. With or without the sharks.
So, here are the Jets, also a form of transportation the Left wants to end (except for themselves) to save the seals or sharks or something.
Note: Fixed a bunch of typos in the original and thinking about feeding my grammar checker to the sharks.
Original post title: “Trump Derangement Sharks Take Away P-Town Safe Spaces for Gay Seals on Cape Cod”
