I generally don’t like these “Hallmark Holidays” type “special days” and really don’t care if anyone remembers it – but I do remember to remember that Mothers Day is important.
I didn’t grow up with a Dad – he passed away from complications from surgery after a car accident when I was 11. Before that, he and my Mom had separated and for years, I only saw him on weekends. I am thankful, though, for all of the men who donated their time in various youth activities (e.g., Cub Scout, Boy Scouts, Medical Explorer Scouts, Christian Service Brigade, various youth ministries at the church I grew up in). No, I’ll never know what it would have been to have a full time – all the time Dad, but these men did fill a gap that was there that I, at the time, did not know existed.
I wonder, too, if some of the mistake I made with the Youngest and the Oldest were because of the lack of example that I had growing up. But I look at some of the medical problems that they had growing up and I know that anything that I might have missed by not having a Dad would not have made a difference in dealing with those problems. At the time, I thought to myself “This is impossible – I don’t even know if they’ll even make it to high school graduation because of their behaviors”. All things considered, I guess I didn’t too such a bad job. Why? I’m now starting to hear them say that the reason why they are doing some of they are is because of the example I set. I thought they were totally ignoring me growing up. Yet, I see what they are trying to do today, they way they are trying to make important decisions in their lives: “But Dad, that’s not how you would handled it – you did such and such back when: I WATCHED YOU and I listened to you”.
Talk about being held accountable! That beats yet-another-Fathers-Day tie any time…
And then I shake my head at the feminists and the anti-traditionalists that squawk that men and Dads are irrelevant, that any brand or that any other co-opting of “family” is perfectly fine. Especially those that for whom Big Government (like the Obama campaign’s “Julia”) has become their family provider instead of a real flesh-and-blood Dad. And I look at all of the lost boys in urban settings, for whom Big Government has become “the dad” via social workers, govt programs, and the govt checks. Sure, their minimal physical needs might be met, but what about that “hole in the soul” from a “lack of a Dad”? I at least had one during my early years – but as traditional marriage, especially in the lower economic rungs are showing, becomes less and less secure, Dads are becoming a scarce commodity as marriage becomes a middle / upper class institution – with all of the advantages thereof accruing to the top. For most people, however they grow up is “normal” – young kids often don’t understand that other possibilities exist. I wonder if these young boys and girls will ever understand what it is to not have a Dad?
I guess that their understanding that may not come at all, or if it does, it might not until decades have past. And then it might fall like a ton of bricks – as it did me. I remember coming home after a biz trip. Window seat, 31,000 feet up, staring at the cloud cover below, and it hit me “Would Dad have been proud of how I turned out?” It was a good thing that I had that window seat – it was a very emotional ride home. But I did end up with an answer:
“But Dad, that’s not how you would handled it – you did such and such back when: I WATCHED YOU and I listened to you”.
I guess we all turned out ok.
