Second Amendment humor, courtesy of the Concord Monitor! - Granite Grok

Second Amendment humor, courtesy of the Concord Monitor!

Concord Monitor comes over to our side, approves concealed carry!

This is so funny!  What appears below is a column from today’s New Hampshire government-newspaper, the Concord Monitor. I glanced at the top of the top of the column and though “Hey, great! My friend—the excellent Rep. JR Hoell—has written an interesting piece about 2nd Amendment concealed carry for everyone!” So I happily read the excellent column…

…which touts the right and ability—and even responsibility!—of everyone to carry concealed firearms, and that there are even new lines of clothes coming out crafted specifically for concealed carry. Wow, I thought. I didn’t know JR was that much into fashion clothing…and only then, at the very end, did I find out that…well, you all read it for yourselves, and then see my remark at the very end. LOL! —Tim Condon

:——–) <—Republican elephant smiley face with a long trunk.


Jr Hoell 9:19pm May 7

Packing privately

Fashion industry turns its attention to guns

May 6, 2012

Thanks to the unflagging eagerness and energy of our distinguished legislators, I and a lot of other hitherto happily ignorant Granite Staters are learning a whole lot more about guns and the world they inhabit than we ever thought we needed to know.We’ve been taught that guns are good, that more guns are better and that guns everywhere are best.

We need guns in houses, guns in cars and trucks, guns in parks, libraries and drugstores; guns in barber shops and bars; and guns – especially – in the State House and in those same legislators’ chambers. Which is perfectly safe, since (to hear them talk) half the legislators are armed to the teeth themselves, and thus perfectly capable of taking out any miscreant who might venture into the House spectators’ gallery and start waving a gun around.

And we need if possible those guns to be concealed. After all, we wouldn’t want our personal stocks of lethal armaments to scare good grandmas in grocery stores or tourists browsing Main Street shops or – heaven forbid! – schoolchildren visiting the State House’s Hall of Flags.

And, well, we all know the trouble with concealed guns, right? Okay, that’s a rhetorical “we.” Lots of us who don’t indulge in them can only take the word of others. But those who do parade through life weighted down by concealed Glocks and Rugers are – we hear – tired of the unsightly lumps and bulges under their clothes, not to mention the unwelcome attention one attracts when a pistol that’s imperfectly moored suddenly clatters to the floor and alarms the by-standers.

Just ask Rep. Kyle Tasker of Nottingham, who caused quite a stir with his unplanned gun display in a House hearing room in March.

Not to worry, though. This is America! Where there’s a gun, there’s likely to be a will and a way to capitalize on it. And with concealed guns becoming all the rage in 21st century America, several clothing makers have decided it’s their chance to make a buck or two.

They are enterprisingly offering or planning concealed carry clothing lines. Now I gather – these subjects are new to me – that for years sporting good stores and the like have sold shirts, pants, jackets and the like that are commodious enough to allow firearm aficionados to lug their treasures from place to place. But they are apparently, well, ugly. Clunky, baggy, utilitarian. Fine, maybe, for traipsing over to the shooting gallery, but hardly what the sophisticated gentleman wants to wear when he strolls into a fine dining establishment.

(And yes, ladies, I said “gentleman.” Thus far, there don’t seem to be garments available for women, but if pink guns are here I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before milady can stash her rhinestone-bedecked Colt Defender into concealed carry fuchsia Capri pants.)

Recently the New York Times – the nation’s historic newspaper of record – did a story on the emerging trend in concealed carry (or, better yet, “covert fashion”) clothing.

One manufacturer about to enter the market is an outfit called 5.11 Tactical, whose spokesman told the Times that they’re aiming for “a collection . . . that allows the end user to have stylish lifestyle apparel” but still be able to “carry a weapon and draw the weapon quickly.”

Under Armour, a sports and “action gear” company, plans its own line of gun-friendly clothing, using “moisture-wicking fabric.” Should owners not use such material, a company rep warned, their prize firearms would “literally rust out.”

But so far, the true leader in the potential concealed carry outfit bonanza is venerable Woolrich (Motto: “Making Boring Wool Plaid Shirts Since 1830”). It has not only unveiled a whole line of men’s gun-friendly clothing (CCW), some of it has already sold out!

The Men’s Elite Discreet Pants are available only in navy. The black and olive drab green versions were immediately snatched up (although why anyone seeking a “stylish lifestyle” would pick olive drab green is beyond me).
It has not only hidden zippered side pockets on the thighs, but it comes with a “comfort waist” for the portlier pistol packer.

There are a variety of shirts, both long- and short-sleeved, including one snappy number that comes in six colors, including four different plaids (of course). It gets good customer reviews, including “hides firearm printing very well” and “does a good job covering a belt-worn .45.”

But the cream of the crop seems to be the Elite Discreet Carry Twill Jacket with not one but two (for lefties or righties) lined interior chest pockets that are ideal, according to one proud owner, for carrying a fully loaded Glock 23 “with no visible signature.” Another noted that “it looks completely benign” but provides “full concealment of any weapon” and has “great . . . padding in a fight.”

And one tickled reviewer said it not only handles his “full size .45 USP” and four magazines but, thanks to its various compartments, has room for a Surefire flashlight, an iPod, a walkie-talkie, a knife and GPS. With room left over for plastic handcuffs, too.

Allen Forkner of Woolrich was more than happy to tout to the Times the best aspect of its new clothing line.

“When someone walks down the street in a button-down and khakis, the bad guy gets a glimmer of fear, wondering: are they packing or not?”

You listening, Kyle? And all you other pistol-packing lawmakers? Make life easier and cut down on embarrassing accidents, yet still manage to intimidate.

Hey, with your legislative clout perhaps you could even persuade the folks running the State House Visitors Center to start stocking the stuff.

Maybe they can even arrange with Woolrich to have a discreet New Hampshire state seal appliqued on the clothes.

When you think of it, “covert fashion” might be a lot more in the spirit of the contemporary Granite State than the center’s current inventory of sturdy but boring t-shirts, sweat shirts and caps. And our perennially broke state might make a few extra bucks to boot.

(Monitor columnist Katy Burns lives in Bow.)
Packing privately

Thanks to the unflagging eagerness and energy of our Distinguished legislators, I and a lot of other…

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LOL again! It turns out that the great piece was written by some slack-jawed journalist—a “Katy Burns”—who apparently was trying to attack concealed carry (sure fooled ME!). I read the whole thing thinking, “Yeah, that’s correct, yep, I like that, yeah, that’s true, Rep. Hoell is making good pro-gun points all the way through, especially that there should be as many law-abiding people as possible carrying guns in public places,” etc. I mean—hellooo!—“the science is in, and the debate is over” about the beneficial effects of concealed carry by law-abiding citizens. That’s a given; it’s not subject to dispute anymore. But wait…

AND THEN, ONLY AT THE END, did I find out that the column was written by some half-bright staffer at the Concord Monitor! Thanks, Katy Burns! I agreed with everything you said until the very end!  (You can read the original column in the Monitor HERE.)

LOL.           :——–)