Our friend Paul at PunSalad was the first to make us aware of government regulations contained within the Waxman/Markey cap and trade bill (that our Congresscritters didn’t bother to read) dictating rules fror planting a tree. That’s right… PLANTING A TREE! Writes Paul:
[C]heck out Section 205, a Federal program to emit grants for tree-planting to electric companies. As long as such trees are planted according to…
a comprehensive list of science-based measurements outlining the species and minimum distance required between trees planted pursuant to this section, in addition to the minimum required distance to be maintained between such trees and (A) building foundations (B) air conditioning units; (C) driveways and walkways; (D) property fences; (E) preexisting utility infrastructure; (F) septic systems; (G) swimming pools; and (H) other infrastructure as deemed appropriate.
… because we’re just too damn dumb to figure this out ourselves, apparently. As Joyce Kilmer noted:
I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.
A tree planted under Section 205
which Waxman-Markey did contrive.
A tree of species specified;
Which will at mininum distance abide.
A tree that will, in decades hence,
Not destroy my neighbor’s fence.
Upon whose bosom federal grants
Have enhanced its noble stance.
Only God can make a tree?
Not according to Waxman-Markey!
Mr McQ has more substantive comments.