1. Under same management for over 5763 years.
2. Don’t give up. Moses was once a basket case.
3. What part of "Thou shalt not" don’t you understand?
4. Shul committees should be made up of three members,
two of whom should be absent at every meeting.
5. My mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was
on jury duty. They sent her home. She insisted SHE
was guilty.
6. Any time a person goes into a delicatessen and
orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew
dies.
7. It was mealtime during a flight on El Al. "Would
you like dinner?,"
the flight attendant asked Moshe, seated in front.
"What are my choices?," Moshe asked.
"Yes, or no," she replied.
8. An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and
is brought to the local hospital. A pretty nurse tu cks
him into bed and says, "Mr. Gevarter, are you
comfortable?" Gevarter replies, "I make a nice
living…."
9. A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking
a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found
written on it only one word: "shmuck." At the next
Friday night service, the Rabbi announced,
"I have known many people who have written letters and
forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a
letter from someone who signed his name…. and forgot
to write a letter.
10. Three Jewish women get together for lunch. As they
are being seated in the restaurant, one takes a deep
breath and gives a long, slow "oy." The second takes a
deep breath as well and lets out a long, slow "oy."
The third takes a deep breath and says impatiently,
"Girls, I thought we agreed that we weren’t going to
talk about our children."
11. And one final favorite: A w aiter comes over to a
table full of Jewish women and asks, "Is anything all
right?"
