Buzz: Good day, folks. Buzz Buzby here with some breaking news. In a recent news conference, the hair sniffer-in-chief said to gun owners and 2A advocates: “You need F-15s and nuclear weapons (if you want to stop my tyrannical government).”
Most everyone who heard him or read his words was a bit aghast. Many thought he was saying that if he comes to take away our guns and demolish our Second Amendment rights, he will do so using F-15s and ( gulp) nuclear weapons.
To follow up on this story, my trusted assistant, Timothy Hasno Bottom, has secured an interview with an F-15 pilot. For obvious reasons, this pilot won’t talk to us unless we guarantee the utmost secrecy. We cannot even identify the base he flies out of nor address him by his name. We have to call him by his fake name: BOB. Take it away Timothy!”
Timothy: Thanks Buzz. As Buzz was saying, we cannot reveal the name of our guest nor even tell you that he, I mean, “it” is an F-15 pilot. We are standing outside “its ” base but we cannot identify it as an Air Force facility.Bob- we have been told that to defeat Gun owners, the government is planning on using F-15 jets to bomb us. Can you confirm that you have been trained in the endeavor?”
BOB: (Empty stare) Huh? What? Who told you that? I thought you wanted to interview me about Kamala Harris’s hiding place.
Timothy: Ok, well that was not a denial. So I will take it as a yes. Tell me, is Nashua a prime target? Or is it down on the list? Maybe third or fourth behind Hudson or Bedford?”
BOB: What I train on is strictly confidential. I cannot confirm or deny what you just said.
Timothy: Aha! Again, not a denial. So if you have been training on attacking Nashua, what is your approach angle? I mean, is Costco safe?
BOB: Dude, I shop at Costco, with my wife and kids. No way I am going to ….wait, you are tricking me. I refuse to answer.
Timothy: How about Home Depot? Or Lowes. I mean they are a hotbed for gun owners and 2A people?
B0B: I think this conversation is over.
Timothy: BOB! …BOB!…COME BACK, I have more questions…like are my chickens gonna die from an F-15? They are innocent. Never owned a gun in their lives and are definitely against any form of violence that might shorten their meager life. Can you mark them as safe? Please?!?!
Timothy: Sorry, Buzz. Not a very good interview but I could not get Bob to come clean. I think though we did learn that if we huddle at Costco, especially when Bob and his family are there, we are probably gonna avoid any F-15s. Back to you Buzz.”
Buzz: Wow! I don’t know what to say except WHO THE HELL OCCUPIES THE WHITE HOUSE AND TELLS US THAT HE IS GOING TO USE F-15’S AGAINST PATRIOTIC AMERICANS?
Tune in NEXT TIME WHEN I WILL DEBUT MY NEWEST SONG
“WHERE HAVE ALL TO YOUNG HAIR-SNIFFED GIRLS GONE?”
