In 1977 one of the most popular songs on the radio was Short People by Randy Newmann, who says it had nothing to do with height. It did to everyone who sang it to 4’11 me (cue the late 70’s equivalent of Nelson Muntz), but then I grew 6 inches that summer. Six inches in three months. I slept and ate.
By September, I was taller than girls my age for the first time and still growing. But now an opinion writer at the New York Times, which is reluctant to confess who or what a woman is, says short people are better for the planet.
In what world?
The one in which lives NYT opinion author Mara Altman, who says, “When you mate with shorter people, you’re potentially saving the planet by shrinking the needs of subsequent generations.”
“Lowering the height minimum for prospective partners on your dating profile is a step toward a greener planet,” …
“if we kept our proportions the same but were just 10 percent shorter in America alone, we would save 87 million tons of food per year (not to mention trillions of gallons of water, quadrillions of B.T.U.s of energy and millions of tons of trash).”
Twitter had fun with this, as you can imagine, but to be honest, this is the New York Times. If something as biologically definitive as sex (right down to your genes) can be on a spectrum, subject to opinion or whimsy, why not height? Just identify as short. If anyone accuses you of being too tall, claim discrimination, and while you are at it, hint that you may be eligible for title IX protection. If they start to give you that mean look, announce that you are a short woman (with a penis), and see how they take the news.
And then complain about your period.
Cut your age in half while you are at it. You’re only as old as the age you tell people!
Too tall an order? Screw em. Then ask them what the carbon footprint is for all the step stools, ladders, and lifts we’ll need so the future generations of not-tall folks can reach all the stuff built by their unsustainably tall ancestors.
Or is there a green energy jobs plan to shorten the world to match the reduced elevation averages of whatever passes for people?
It will be an omnibus bill three times as expensive as the last one, but they’ll call it The Tiny Green Deal.
And yes, it will include funding for Ukraine (and not just because the men there are taller).
Oh, and I did like the song. Short People.
HT | NewsWars
