Randolph Girls Volleyball Team Stripped

by
Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

The Randolph (Girls) Volleyball team was stripped of its titles dating all the way back to 1897 this week by the Vermont Athletic Group on Diversity, Inclusion, and Equity. After winning this year’s state championship the all-white, all-girls, all-Randolph Volleyball team was cited for athletic racism and lack of diversity.

The team raised international fake outraged eyebrows earlier this year for disallowing a transgender girl (re: boy on the [Girls] volleyball team) in the locker room after some of the bigoted white girls on the team said they were uncomfortable changing their clothes in front of a biological male student. Several biological girls alleged the mostly mentally stable player made lewd remarks, after which the team was disciplined by Principal, and culture war hero, Lane Millington. Millington forced the girls to leave the girl’s locker room and do their changing in the girl’s bathroom.

Sadly, these bigoted girls could change their clothes but they couldn’t change their skin color. Their highly cultivated and privileged talent led them to a stunning undefeated season where they would win both regional and state championships, however, this achievement wouldn’t last. An audit of their history by the VAG-DIE team revealed they have been led and populated by white girls dating back to 1897 when volleyball, originally called Mintonette, first arrived in Vermont.

We reached out to Karen Hogbottom, the Chief Tolerance Specialist for VAG-DIE, for comment.

“We won’t tolerate any form of whiteness past or present. The girls need to do better and so did their great-great-great grandmothers.”

Banners from the two previous state championships (1898 & 1973) have been taken down and replaced with pride flags.

There is some hope. Randolph High School has one black student who is male and is being heavily recruited to transition by the school’s LGBTQ++ advisory coach, Crystal Queer. She also has her queer eye on the school’s two Asians, two Latinos, and the one kid who just moved here from the Middle East but is considered a long shot.

In an act of solidarity Principal, Millington has instituted after school struggle sessions for the girls team also giving them Herbert Marcuse’s New Sensibility and Robin DiAngelo’s White Fragility as homework. .

Author

  • Johnny Bananas (Fake News Reporter!)

    Johnny Bananas is the world's first Truly Professional Fake News Reporter! The legend of Johnny Bananas grows like a...well a ripe banana on a sick and dying tree.  Mr. Bananas (He/Is/Awesome) has taken fake news and satire and fused them into an artform that, once swallowed, goes down like a jagged little red pill that tastes like sweet honey.  As the saying goes, once you've gone Bananas you'll never go back.

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