MARS Inc is a massive global food giant with 40 billion in sales in 2020 with over 70 brands under management. They are massive, from food brands to pet food and pet care to confections. During the Pandemic™, they increased sales by several billion, so why, WHY did they feel the need to do this to M&Ms.
The brand just announced its multi-pronged approach to “creating a world where everyone feels they belong and society is inclusive,” and it apparently starts with makeovers for each of those colorful M&M’s characters that star in the brand’s popular commercials.
The candy company decided to give each of the six characters a “fresh, modern take” on their traditional look and “more nuanced personalities to underscore the importance of self-expression and power of community through storytelling.”
Pardon my French, but these are f**king M&Ms. What on the Candy god’s green earth do they mean by inclusive, nuanced, and modern?
A few brands managed by MARS Inc.
Before I go there, if you take a trip to the company website, well, they are your typical global corporate conglomerate. They pander to the environmental agenda. There is a patina of Wokeness, and – well, corporations are Collectivist by nature. Use capitalism to consume everything in your path and socialize it. Frame it in the context of your mission or worldview and keep it that way.
To quote Pinky and the Brain, the mission is to try and take over the world! Or at least your part of it. And MARS Inc is doing a fine job with products and services people appear to want and need.
So, why the makeover of a bag of candy and some cartoonish characters?
“M&M’S has long been committed to creating colorful fun for all, and this purpose serves as a more concrete commitment to what we’ve always believed as a brand: that everyone has the right to enjoy moments of happiness, and fun is the most powerful way to help people feel that they belong,” Cathryn Sleight, Chief Growth Officer at Mars Wrigley said in a press release.
As if M&Ms weren’t already fun? I guess not.
Remember when they made the Campbell’s Soup kids athletic? Those once cherubic children got sporty and healthy. Where are they now, you ask? Canceled long before Mia the Indian Maiden or Aunt Jemima.
So, what’s up with the Ms? Not that much, which is why I’m perplexed.
The female green M&M (remember green M&Ms?) lost the go-go boots and is now sporting sneakers. The only other female character (Brown) lost her stilettos for block heels. And at least one of the characters has mental health issues.
Of note, the orange M&M has officially acknowledged his anxiety and learned to “embrace his true self, worries and all.”
No Antifa M&Ms? I’m disappointed. How about one with a mask and a vaccine passport?
No?
Wait, there’s more!
The actual M&Ms will no longer be uniform sizes but different shapes and be sizes. Making them look different will make them more inclusive. You get that. More different equals more the same.
Amen! Dumbass.
The horizontally challenged kid who gets the bag with mostly bigger candies will be like, wow, these are a lot like me. I feel so much love right now. He’ll be so moved that he will trade a few with the tiny kid who got more minis. Imagine. Nothing to kill or die for, And no religion, too. Imagine all the people, Living life in peace… You…
It all makes sense to me.
In related news, TWIX candies, also owned by MARS Inc, will be making them different lengths because not all men are hung the same way. Did someone Snicker because those won’t be as firm as they once were (erectile dysfunction).
We want everyone to feel included. You know, because it’s not good enough just being candy. It needs to make a social statement.
No. No, it does not.
