Really, Eversource? Going "paperless" is supposed to be a "memorable moment"? - Granite Grok

Really, Eversource? Going “paperless” is supposed to be a “memorable moment”?

“Don’t miss out on memorable moments – go Paperless.” That was the subject line of the email I received.  I thought about that for a moment.  Paperless, memories, paperless, memories.  Times I would miss if I didn’t go….paperless billing?

Oh JOY!  I…just…can’t….wait…to…click…that…GO PAPERLESS button!!!  The one-click that will free me eternally free from ever having to open up an Eversource envelope again.  That will mean….what for me?

Wait, what???  I started to scratch my head

Don’t let paper hold you back
Everyday obligations shouldn’t get in the way of memorable moments.
With Paperless Billing, enjoy the convenience of paying your utility bill from anywhere. Don’t spend another minute searching for a misplaced bill or buying stamps.

Er, I’ve never let paper bills hold me back before?  Friday afternoons are when I pay bills.  I strengthen my spirit with a flavored water/chocolate milk/orange soda, put out the letter opener (yeah, old school), and open up the proper sites (banks, bills) and start tapping away.

Funny, even though I get paper bills, I have and DO pay my bills “from anywhere”. Usually on my home network – you know all those fiends out there on public WiFi, dontchaknow! And as far as misplacing a bill, what I worry about is misplacing my handwritten cheat sheets for all of the accounts, billable or not, for what I do online. I KNOW the URLs – that’s part of the “anywhere” bit, right? And as far as stamps are concerned, I just bought a new roll of “always” stamps; it took me almost 4 years to use its predecessor.  I know EXACTLY where it is.

And this is a “thing” for me:

Simple reminders: Never forget a payment with monthly email and/or text alerts showing your bill amount and due date.

Y’all already do that.  So, going paperless would mean….what?  I kinda got the idea already what what you’d be sending – you’ve been sending me the “preview example” for years.  No surprise here, huh?

24/7 online access: View or print current and past statements through Account History. Easy and secure payments: Pay any way you choose, including online, by phone, or with the Eversource Mobile App. Convenience that counts

Er, got that.  I just prefer Fridays.  Sometimes Mondays, Wednesdays, or Thursdays, even.  Early in the AM, late in the PM, sometimes in the middle of the evening.  Again, have done so for years.  So what’s my upside again if I click on that GO PAPERLESS button??

We’re always working to serve you better. Break free from paper bills today and experience more moments that matter. Simply click to enroll the account associated with the address shown below in Paperless Billing.

OK, let’s get down to brass tacks – who the heck are they trying fool?  Bills take time to pay be it paper with checks or clicks on a site (the latter being quick, though).  But who puts off going to a wedding, or a trip to Disney, or a christening, or a good time at the range….? You get the picture. Nobody does that. No one. So who is Eversource trying to serve with this pablum?

Oh, yeah, Eversource.  No more printing, no more stamping, no more mailing.  But real money.  And they want me to give that to them for free.  Free, right to their bottom line.

So let me put it this way:

Hey, Eversource? Want to do away with that “memorable moment” in which your bank account gets dinged a few bucks to make my time “memorable”.

Share the savings.  Take a couple of bucks off the bill – even REMIND me on my paper based bill: “click me HERE” and you’ll forever get a credit for $2-5 bucks every month. Each and every month.  Make it worth my while to create memorable moments for your accountants (“no more worrying about paying $ to have Skip pay $$$!”).

Think they actually will?

I’m betting that I’ll be getting that monthly piece of paper for a while yet.