Hey, Let’s be careful out there!
For as long as I can remember, I looked up to America’s farmers, believing them to be a self-sufficient group, able to grow crops, fix their own equipment and generally, being "of the earth"– respectable and hard working with down-home wisdom and generations of learned skills and techniques. Today, this idyllic notion was abruptly dashed… Sadly, we now know that farmers are too stupid to think after all, apparently posing great dangers to themselves and others. Who knew?
Thankfully, our dear leader, President Obama has stepped into the breach, helpfully offering just what these idiot farmers need: good advice that will protect them from themselves. THANK GOD FOR OBAMA!!!! What would we ever do without him? How did we ever make it as far as we did? Who cares– All that matters is from this point forward, we have our brave leader showing us the way.
A proclamation issued by the White House this evening took bold steps towards reducing the carnage faced by the farming community with the drastic and necessary step of ordering America’s farmers to
"to follow optimal farm safety and health practices.
Oh the humanity! Acting in the 11th hour, President Obama has taken time out from his busy work of destroying the economy, taking over financial sector and other industries, including healthcare, and turned his attention to farmers, instructing them to be safe, with particular notice paid to the children. Says our beloved Protector-in-Chief:
As they offer great benefits to our Nation, farmers and ranchers also face significant risks in the course of their everyday duties. They often transport and operate heavy and hazardous equipment and work in extreme weather conditions. Farmers may be exposed to pesticides, fertilizers, chemicals, and dust that can be harmful to human health. They also work in dangerous areas such as wells, silos, and grain elevators. These individuals must take great precautions to protect their health and safety, especially since rural residents may have to travel long distances to receive trauma care for an accident-related injury. They must also take particular care to avoid accidents involving children.
As the fall harvest season approaches, I encourage farm and ranch families and workers to participate in farm safety and health programs. I also encourage them to follow optimal farm safety and health practices. Businesses and communities, and organizations and neighbors, can encourage one another to understand the risks of this work so that we can prevent accidents, prevent exposure to potential hazards, and save lives.
Following more blather about how much he respects and cherishes the work of the noble farmer and farm families, finally, the proclamation itself:
NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim September 20 through September 26, 2009, as National Farm Safety and Health Week. I call upon the people of the United States to join me in celebrating the vital contributions of farmers and ranchers to our Nation and in reflecting upon the importance of farm safety and health in communities across America.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-first day of September, in the year of our Lord two thousand nine, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-fourth.
BARACK OBAMA
Meanwhile, farmers in California are being denied water for their crops in order to save some stupid little fish.
Well, gotta go. I’m off to think of unsafe practices and create a few new dangerous conditions for the employees of my small business before President Obama tells me to knock it off…