I have no idea who authored this, but it sure made me laugh. If you find it offensive, too bad. Lighten up. Laugh a little. Life’s too short… (hat tip Bob J.- former NH resident)
Mattel recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the New Hampshire Market:
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Bedford Barbie This princess Barbie is only sold at exclusive Bedford stores. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.
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Concord Barbie This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
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Manchester Barbie This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.
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Amherst Barbie This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer h3. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them.
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Laconia Barbie This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six pack of Coors light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she’s drunk. Purchuse her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutelyfree.
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Lincoln Barbie This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print ski outfit and drinks Cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the lodge. Optional Percocet prescription available..Claremont Barbie This tobacco chewing, brassy haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gutted Ken out of Newport Barbie’s house. Her ensemble includes low rise acid washed jeans, fake finger nails, and a see through halter top. Also available with a mobile home and 8-track tape player.
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Peterborough Barbie This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Montpelier Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.
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Hanover Barbie This Barbie comes with her own mountain bike. Available with SUV, complete with Kayak on the roof and dog in the back. Optional Ken doll also comes with his own mountain bike and dog.
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Franklin Barbie This Barbie is only 14 and comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his ’79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
(ed. note: Franklin & Laconia are interchangeable)
