I know what it is like, as a child, what happens when Mom and Dad split and we kids are left in the middle. Meanwhile,there is hurting galore for both of them, too often people say that “well, kids are resilient and they’ll get through it”. That’s true; most kids WILL get through it but how damaged will they be. Sure, a bit down the road, things seem hunky-dory for them as kids to adapt but that doesn’t mean that, inside, things aren’t hunky-dory. Sometimes those lingering problems and holes don’t show up until decades later. While my Dad had weekend visitation rights, it was visitation – not “co-parenting”. He became a visitor – and I lost out. Because of that lapse in a significant role model, I found myself floundering when my two boys, almost 20 years later, came onto the scene – HOW should I be that firm, manly, loving father as I hadn’t had that in my life?
I wound up making a lot of that responsibility on the fly, praying that I was doing the right things. They’ve told me, now that they have their own kids, that I mostly got things right. I have to go with that.
As I have written many times in the past, I saw again the lack of Dad role models in the wee ones we had in our DayCare center – just a series of “parachute boyfriends” that came and went where the breeze took them – no sense of commitment from them had almost immediate and viewable issues once two, three, or more had passed through that single mom family. There’s a reason why the best environment for children is in that nuclear family of a Mom and Dad that bring different but complementary models in bringing up their kids.
Sidenote: and the “Government Schools model of being both Mommy & Daddy” should be rejected absolutely and immediately.
With all that said, I’m late on writing about this bill – apologies as it will be rolling through the process tomorrow but better late than never. There is a need for HB1382 to better equalize and take note of the difficulties for CHILDREN when parents split up. TMEW and I are giving our Grandson the stable environment he requires – but even as we have legally adopted him and we are his legal parents, we remain his Grammy and Bompa. We aren’t his legal parents. While his biological mother hasn’t been around in years, we have made sure that the Grandson can be in contact with his Dad (the Youngest) any time he wants. Is that a different form of “co-parenting”? No, but I digress.
Here is the report from the National Parents Organization that ranked New Hampshire with an “F” for this:
More than 40 years of scientific research provides overwhelming evidence that, when parents are living apart, children generally do best when the parents share in the day-to-day care of their children. In part because of this benefit to children, and in part because of the changing patterns of family life, separated parents are increasingly choosing shared parenting instead of the outdated “sole-custody/visitation” model of separated parenting.
If you hover over the bottom of the above page, you can see the controls to move around in the document.
I believe this model change, while perhaps much more difficult for parents, is FAR better for the children AS LONG as Parents refuse to use their kids as pawns to “get” the other parent (been there, hated it). It’s also time for the Law to recognize that for those Parents that hate each other in the moment, they are able to put that aside and put the kids before themselves.
So HB1382 was entered into the House, by Republicans, to better attend to this change in attitudes AND to better protect the kids. The sponsors of the bill:
Rep. Jim Kofalt, Hills. 4 (and Grokster!) ; Rep. Abrami, Rock. 19; Rep. Post, Hills. 4; Rep. Yakubovich, Merr. 24; Rep. Yokela, Rock. 33; Rep. Homola, Hills. 27; Rep. Love, Rock. 6; Rep. Spillane, Rock. 2; Rep. Bernardy, Rock. 16; Sen. Avard, Dist 12; Sen. Ward, Dist 8; Sen. Daniels, Dist 11
While the bill, as introduced below (and an amendment by NH State Rep Josh Yokela after it that was approved), here are the “money” sections (IMHO):
II. Establishes a rebuttable presumption that equal parenting time is in the best interest of the child and requires the court to provide the basis for finding that the presumption does not apply in a particular case.
III. Provides that both parents shall have access to the child’s records unless the parenting plan or court order provides otherwise.
Note that in this case, “presumption” means the court will start the process ASSUMING that is the starting point and then perhaps work backwards to the older model of Custody vs Visitation. That’s a big deal and I agree with it wholeheartedly. Yes, there are times that the older model SHOULD hold sway for a lot of reasons but it shouldn’t be the starting point (and the bill allows for that).
Yokela’s amendment strengthens what I said – if the court DOESN’T find “bad things”, shared parenting should hold sway:
If the court concludes that the frequent and continuing contact between each child and both parents is not in the best interest of the child, the court shall make finding supporting its order. If the court does not make that conclusion, there shall be a presumption that shared parenting is in the best interests of the child.
I was then passed a document making the Constitutional argument as to why this bill should pass. The money quote at the end (emphasis mine):
The citizens of New Hampshire, urge the Legislative body to obey the mandates of the Constitution, we urge each of you, 400 representatives, and 24 Senators to protect the sacred right of parents, but more importantly protect the rights of New Hampshire children, to have a loving, meaningful relationship with both parents after separation or divorce. We urge the legislative body, to act in the best interests of New Hampshire children—and parents alike. By every measure, the research indicates that joint and equal shared parenting is in the best interests of the child.
For the reasons stated herein, we respectfully requests that New Hampshire statute RSA 461-A, be declared unconstitutional.
New Hampshire statute RSA 461-A, is unconstitutional on its face in so far as it violates the Due Process clause of the Fourteenth Amendment. As such, the statutory language should be amended to reflect a rebuttable presumption of shared and equal parenting time. Specifically anything less than 50% should be stricken and replaced with “50%”.
Adult relationships and marriage used to be about sacrificing from both parents for the best interest of the child. Starting in the 1960s (“love the one you’re with”), it morphed into first placing the adults first and children became secondary. Then, as Society was being re-engineered, adult relationships and marriage became “what are you going to do for me NOW?”. Further, if a spouse’s “needs and gratification” weren’t being met, it was Splitsville and the kids go shortshrift.
This bill starts to put some sanity back into THAT model in which the children are returned to a higher priority within that fractured family situation.
HB1382 and its companion bill adjusting child support for this new model, should be passed.
