The Federal Department of Education is finally getting a haircut. The 1400 workers it tried to let go can stay gone. If the streamlining goes as planned, the Department of Education may one day find itself able to achieve its statutory objectives with very few employees and at a fraction of its nearly $ 268 billion budget.
I’m not convinced Linda McMahon can shut it all down, but that’s the goal. But I’m all about compromise. Perhaps we can settle for one guy with a beard, going by the name Peggy, working out of Cafe Citron, just up Washington Street from Dupont Circle. (Decent internet, but beware of pickpockets.)
Department of Education, this is Peggy.
Congress will need to accept its soon-to-be smaller budget, something as alien to that body as acquiring oxygen through gills. It is not in their nature to cut spending even when asked. (JD Vance had to return to Washington to break a tie on the recission bill). And while the final form of the so-called ‘Edu-cution’ agency remains uncertain, we turn our focus to the newly unemployed or soon-to-be-unemployed former Department of Education employees.
They could learn to code.
Paid protests haven’t risen to the level predicted post-No-Kings Day, but I hear there is good money to be made holding a sign and shouting about something (you’ll receive instructions). Left-Wing rent-a-flash mob, almost peaceful protest gig work isn’t drying up anytime soon.
Off the books, Molotov cocktail waitress?
Antifa is probably “hiring.” Shooting at ICE agents is getting some of their folks arrested. You’ll need to pass yourself off as a disgruntled white child of an elite with a “studies” degree. But you get to wear black, hide your face (no shaming), and handle scary black rifles (probably) without the local 10-round magazine restrictions.
Former DOJ lawyers found work suing the White House. Maybe they could use you as an office clerk, but you’ll have to work. The private sector doesn’t tolerate the kinds of fat that Executive Branch agencies have long enjoyed.
Maybe the ed unions could use your help. Those are, after all, whom you’ve been “working” for all these years. But again, you may have to do some actual work. Unions love high-paid slackers, just not in the actual union office.
Journalist? You need to know how to lie, but everyone “working” at the Department of “Education” was already living a lie, so that shouldn’t be too big a leap.
Glass House Farms is looking for a few hundred day laborers to pick um,…strawberries.
Mexican flags made in China are probably subject to tariffs; “hire” some low-wage illegals to help you start a local business squatting in someone’s basement with unbelievable tariff-free pricing.
Or you could do nothing and live off the government. You already know how to do that.
And no, it is not fun to make light of someone losing their job (unless they work for the government), but look on the bright side. Whatever you end up doing, it could well serve some productive purpose, which up until now hasn’t been the case. Despite the ballooning Federal and local budgets for education, all it’s done is manage to make more kids dumber.
Kids with the skills to pick the um…strawberries after all the illegals get deported.
