Every presidential campaign season, we get a handful of side candidates. Some are real sides (never contenders), others less so: like SMOD, the Sweet Meteor of Death. Grokster Kimberly Morin likes to announce how her dog is running. But how about a concrete block? N.S. Lyons has the press release.
ALPENA, MICHIGAN – These years of upheaval are trying times for our nation, and painfully uncertain for American families. In this moment what America most needs is steady, unwavering leadership. Which is why I am pleased to transmit the official announcement of and offer my personal endorsement to the candidacy of Concrete Block for President in 2024.
Concrete Block, known simply as Block to many many friends and colleagues, promises solidity and stability in radically unstable times. Block is down-to-earth and in touch with reality.
Block will remain completely independent, unswayable by lobbyists, the Deep State, or foreign interests. Concrete Block is incorruptible. Block does not have any degenerate family members who can be bribed or cause any scandals. Nor does Block have anything to hide. Block does not creepily sniff children’s hair or do anything with interns or models.
Concrete Block will absolutely not be a transformational president. In fact, Block promises to change nothing whatsoever. Concrete Block absolutely will not raise your taxes. Or impose new regulations, or remove them. Block is committed to limited government. In fact Block will not be hiring or nominating any staff whatsoever.
Concrete Block knows complex infrastructure inside and out, but won’t waste any of your tax dollars attempting to build any. Concrete Block is pro-construction, however, and believes in a ‘YIMBY’ regulatory agenda that will allow for new housing for all if people want to build that stuff for themselves.
There is more if you are so inclined.
