I went to Chunky’s last week. The chairs are comfortable and adjustable, but the food is lousy – cute movie-themed names for menu items but not the best. One of the “burgers” was named the To Infinity and Beyond burger, made with – you guessed it – Beyond Beef.
“Made from plants and packed with 100% plant protein, the Beyond Burger is juicy, meaty, and delicious.”
I don’t think it is, and I would never order that I don’t want to encourage them. But it got me thinking. No, not that the carbon footprint of agriculture and manufacturing for fake meat is larger and the total environmental impact greater (though it is). It occurred to me that you needed a factory to turn all that agriculture and chemistry into fake “meat” in the first place; not a new thought by any means. I’ve made my share of jokes about the greening wake of fake meat fraud at every level. What occurred to me was that since the right words are all it takes to move the needle and messing up the language is now a full-contact sport, why not rename cattle?
Don’t just make jokes about them being plant-based meat factories; call them that.
I guarantee that pound-for-pound cattle use less fertilizer, land, water, machinery to harvest, and factory emissions than the Beyond Burger plant per patty, steak, tip, or round.
What do y’all raise on your ranch?
This is a plant-based meat factory … factory. We’ve got a few thousand of them in “production.” They mow the “grass” for us (saving on more emissions), and -oh, by the way – all that shouting about methane is nonsense.
Fake meat also has fake nutrition, the same for cloned meat. None of it is as good or as good for you as the real thing, nor is it gentler on the planet than cattle. All things in moderation or as directed by a health professional you can trust if you can find one. You can’t beat real meat.
So, yes, the best plant-based meat factories in the world are cattle. And yeah, pigs, sheep, chickens, and whatever other animal you like to eat is as well, in my opinion. And if the fake-green lizards in the prog-pond would stop messing with the marketplace, real meat would be less expensive. But progs – they do like their meddling – so feel free to meddle back.
