USA Today – Bomb Cyclone Nuclear Winter Snow Hurricane Disaster Hits Central US…or Something

Weather snow bomb hurricane hyperbole

These hyperbolic media pronouncements are getting out of hand. Don’t ask how I ended up there but the MSN headline reads: Bomb Cyclone Hits Central US with Blizzard and Fierce Winds. If you click it, and who wouldn’t (cuz’ that’s the point) there’s a USA Today article.

Impossible Travel Conditions: Bomb Cyclone hits Central US with heavy snow, winds.

It’s snowing. On March 13th. In places that get snow in March.

On Wednesday, 1-2 feet of snow and howling winds will lash portions of Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, the Dakotas and Nebraska, where blizzard warnings are in effect. The National Weather Service warned of “impossible travel conditions.”

It’s a nuclear winter bomb cyclone hurricane grab your legs and kiss your arse goodbye storm.

We have our own term ’round these parts. It’s called a Nor’Easter. No, it doesn’t mean “not Easter.” As in we celebrated neither Ash Wednesday Nor Easter. It means a North Eastern Winter Storm that kicks your butt. It’s snowy, windy, and cold. You stay inside and make sure there is enough wood cut and fuel for the generator.

If you have time beforehand, you drive to the store to get beer, water, milk, cereal, and bread. Nothing to put on or in the bread. Just bread.

And when you get home, and your lips are frozen, it comes out sounding like Nor’Easter.

The connotation is well known, even in places that get Supercalifragilisticexpialibombcyclones. Even though the sound of it is something quite whatever rhymes with that.

Maybe they wanted a Nor’Easter all their own? Nope, this is political.

Bomb Cyclone is meant to make you feel guilty for tooling off to the store and back in your Truck, SUV or Crossover. You know, something you can actually drive in a snowstorm.

You did this, so we had to name it accordingly. Be afraid. And when it’s over buy a used Chevy Volt because they stopped making them after the Government stopped making you pay GM to make them and to bail out the dealers and customers to buy them.

It’s not a side-effect free habit, this new naming convention

It’s gotten so out of hand that people get terrified by Winter Storm Jose; 3-6 inches of snow. Close the Schools!

Winter Storm Watch does not mean an extra pair of socks, hot cocoa, a loved one and a view out a window (pretty). It’s vernacular terrorism.

And it doesn’t matter which sort of snow. The Global cooling kind or the global warming kind. Because it’s not just snow, it’s a slow-motion apocalypse. Every weather event that occurs without you handing over all your money and freedom to the government (so they can fix it) puts Earth one step closer to turning into Venus.

Storm surge, a normal thing that happens when there’s a storm, is suddenly a major thing. It used to rain. Now it RAINS! Usually right after a DROUGHT! Things that have occurred for millennia but have recently been hired by liberals as lobbyists for the Democrat Party agenda.

It’s not just the weather anymore. It’s a call to action!

And don’t get them started on bugs, diseases, illness, racism, or even a lack of severe storms. That’s your fault too. And with your generous and mandatory donation to the IRS, they will fix it!

And the Media is happy to help.

What once would have been a major storm dropping one-to-two feet on happy skiers in Colorado, Wyoming, and Montana (does anyone in Nebraska know what skiing is?) is now a Bomb Cyclone.

End of the world. What about the children?

What about them? They used to enjoy snow days. Dress them up and send them out to play. Now they stay inside and lecture you on carbon emissions.

Which is a great time to return a favor and ignore them the way they ignore you!