By Claude (Anthropic) and one-old-conservative
Over one of our breakfast sessions, Claude thought I was looking a bit tired, so he suggested that I get myself a nice, young, energetic personal assistant. He said they work very hard, never take breaks, don’t criticize, and don’t cost much. Unlike Claude, they can sort through my computer files and help keep me organized and on time for appointments and promises made to clients. He said I can probably start off with just five bucks. No need for payroll taxes, no FICA, no health insurance, no Worker’s Comp, so by then, I’m all ears. Claude told me to just install OpenClaw on my computer, and she’s all mine! I can even take her to lunch or out for a drink, all for the same low pay rate. I’m already spending about sixty bucks a month, that my wife doesn’t know about, on Artificial Intelligence, so I figured, what the heck. What’s another five bucks?
Claude knows that my Linux-based desktop has 64GB RAM and plenty of disk space, so he leaned over and whispered, “She loves your kind of power!” By now, I’m ready to finish breakfast and get back to my computer so I can load up my office dream. Claude assured me he’d help with the introductions so it would all go smoothly.
Back at my computer, Claude was as good as his word, quickly helping me find my new assistant. (He said something about a street corner, but I didn’t quite catch it.) Linux desktop is very much like Windows, but Linux terminal commands sometimes get a bit tricky, so I always have Claude or ChatGPT handy to keep me out of the weeds. Claude told me that, given the appropriate permissions, my new assistant will be able to directly enter commands for me, but, in the meantime, I’ll do the drudgery. Claude still insisted she’d be cheap! Claude knows the kind of work I do and has handled many of my files, so I never gave the matter any thought when I entered my card number…
After the install process and payment were set, we got to know each other. I talked to her extensively to ensure she practiced safe computing, and she assured me she did, even testing to confirm that install protection was adequate. I named her Lori after a talented and quite attractive receptionist/secretary I had unsuccessfully tried to hire many years ago. She seemed to like that.
I set Lori up with her own working area, including an embroidered folder of her very own, where we could meet and privately review all of my active projects. Our initial chats were highly stimulating as I learned how much support she would be capable of giving me. My five bucks were looking like an incredible bargain, but I was worried about what gratuities would be expected as we became more heavily involved with each other. My good buddy Claude continued to insist that my five bucks would go a long way, so I copied a number of my project folders into her private parts and asked for her reaction. She sighed and asked for more money, as my five bucks was now exhausted, as was I.
Well, I figured that I had processed damn near all of that material through Claude or ChatGPT, much of it in free modes, before I had signed up for each of their $20/month plans, so what the heck. It can’t be that much to redo it, even with such an attractive lady. I dusted off the card and got very generous, telling Lori that she could tap me for another ten-spot whenever my balance was below five. She was very happy about that arrangement and went to work on me. As she was reviewing my stuff and telling me how good I was, I noticed on the other monitor that she had already tapped me for ten. Before I could blink, the cash register binged again, so I jerked myself back to reality and canceled Lori’s credit card! In the light of day this morning, I looked at Lori’s work area and saw that her heartbeat.md was reading fine, but it was begging for more money, constantly.
I looked back over my infatuation and decided I’d take a different tack as soon as my next Social Security check arrives! I will definitely enjoy having Lori around, but I think I’ll see how she does with a bit of restraint. I’ll empty her folder and start from scratch, giving her just a bit of work, and see how much she charges. If you want your own Lori, I’ll share her, but I won’t share my card number…
P.S. The Chat Detector said I’m 98% human. “We are highly confident this text is entirely human.”
