University of Missouri Enrollment Drops 20%

by Steve MacDonald

Melissa Click - Mizzou

Image c/o PopeHat

If you’ve forgotten, the University of Missouri had a riot, of sorts. A protest. A sit in, with standing, and shouting. There was fist waving and threats over the alleged outrage over an alleged poop swastika, on an alleged bathroom wall, left–perhaps allegedly–by some alleged descendant of Piltdown Man.

All the finest people were offended. At least one student went on a hunger strike. Their lousy football team refused to play another lousy game. Students missed important instruction in the outrage of hetero-normative oppression. Classes on self-loathing and white privilege came to a halt.

There were so many snowflakes piled up in Missouri it was as if they’d had a frikkin blizzard.

The media, even sports media, flocked to the campus to cover the circus. Mizzou was a road-wreck on the progressive-white-tower-education-superhighway, and everyone slowed down to rubber-neck their way past.

Two high ranking administrators eventually shoveled their way out to appease the faux-outrage over the faux-event. Protesters claimed some small victory, and the media eventually retreated, leaving some real-world consequences in their wake.

Students and parents are questioning whether they’d want to pay big money to be a part of Mizzou’s small-minded culture of “learning.”

The outrage, and all the negative attention, has worn a thirty-two-million-dollar hole in Mizzou’s pocket. Enrollment is down twenty percent from last year as some 1500 fewer students have opted to attend the home of the mysterious, Sasquatch-esque (trigger warning) poop-swastika.

Every department is being asked to (trigger warning) tighten their belt a bit while administration implements a flashy new recruiting program to help (trigger warning) plug the hole.

What sort of recruiting program?

From the desk of the interim Zookeeper at Mizzou, care-of Fox Sports,

We are reaching out to admitted students who have not yet enrolled and to their parents with phone calls, Skype calls, videos and a text campaign?? all of which involve current students, faculty and administrators throughout the university. We also are in the process of adding more out-of-state recruiters and we are redesigning all our Admissions materials to ensure they meet the expectations and needs of prospective students. I have also asked Admissions to develop a new web-based admissions platform that is streamlined and that will involve live feedback to prospective students. The goal is to make it easy to apply and to know very quickly what their prospects are for admission to MU. The key is to be faster, more personal and much more interactive.

You’ve already got an online form for reporting people who make fun, why not just promote that?

Mizzou is not an outlier but merely the most recent poster child of what passes for a campus-culture at an increasing numbers of American Universities. It is a culture that is poisoning the water-hole of human capital, turning people with endless potential into idiots like Melissa Click, an expert in outrage whose CV suggests she was trained to train others to train others in an endless series of high-paying make-work jobs with no productive purpose in a real-world economy.

If you’re grooming an army of thought police, she’s your gal, but short of working for the American Stasi in the Office of the Minster of Correct Thought, or on a University campus (if that’s actually any different), there isn’t much practical application for what she knows in the real world, so she’s as useless as a one-legged-man in an ass-kicking contest.

Modern Universities are cranking out ‘Clicks’ by the thousands, loaded down with as much grievance as debt. But even in the oppressive western world, where people should feel guilty for being born to a family with indoor plumbing, there are only so many decent jobs only American’s like Click are qualified to do. And now there are less of them at Mizzou, thanks to the psychological winter of discontent sowed by a campus full of snowflakes.

Free markets work just fine if you let them. If we could just get this sort of exposure on all the universities just like it, people would stop investing in them in exchange for turning their children into angry, self-loathing, little morons.

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