First, Don’t Be Afraid

First, don’t be afraid of life.

Not So Easy

It may be easy to say, “First, don’t be afraid of life.” But it is not easy to control fear of the unknown. Even if you have a steady job and a healthy family, life is full of unexpected interruptions. And if you are fortunate enough to be living the plan and it is smooth sailing for you, there is still the pesky news, internet, with social media, and word-of-mouth to tell us of all the many dangers we face each day.

If you are one of the many who have had complex trauma or post traumatic stress disorder, you know it is nearly impossible to tell yourself, “First, don’t be afraid of life.” And when someone else says it, you want to burst. Only you know about how the cascade of neuro-chemicals flooding your mind and body are making you feel. The thing to remember is that you are NOT ALONE.

Life is like a River

First, life is like a river. It is ever changing, never the exact same. So take a deep breath and prepare you heart and mind by saying, “First, don’t be afraid if life.” It might not help you right away, but a steady diet of reassurance can be a huge help. Remind yourself of the things you have gotten through, of the new things you learned to manage, of the many experiences that you have had… And you’re still here!

You’re still breathing, so there is still hope for a better future. You might even need to remind yourself to breath if you have suffered abuse. It happens. Just do it. Talk yourself through it. You’re in good company. Kind David had to talk himself through lots of situations.

On occasion, the river runs slow and may even seem tedious, other parts are wild and crashing. There is every possible scenario between these two extremes. There are ups and downs, ebb and flow. The keys to successfully navigating are many, but the first, is don’t be afraid of life to the point of not engaging. Keep getting out there. Keep trying. Continue growing in knowledge and keep becoming the person you want to be.

Your raft is your community. So, try to cultivate good relationships. Your oars are family and God. Hold onto both with intention. You need both. You may have been immersed in bad family culture. Perhaps, even the thought of family is negative, but you can adopt your family, if you need to. Just make sure you have a few trusted relationships.

Rapids

You’ll need to rely on these two oars when you hit the rapids, and everyone does. That’s not the time to remind yourself, “don’t be afraid of life,” and it won’t do for anyone else to tell you either. You need to get that in your life way before you hit the rapids.

What kind of rapids might you run into? It could be a car accident, a catastrophic weather event, or sudden death in the family. It could be pregnancy. Pregnancy is a huge set of rapids. Especially if it’s the first baby. I was listening to Vanessa Van Edmonds today and she was talking about lots of things, including pregnancy.

She was saying that during her first pregnancy, she felt that she was at the top of Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs: Self Actualization. It is as if you are able to transcend all life and imagine how to parent the perfect child. And after the baby is born, you quickly hit the bottom of the pyramid, wanting only to get enough sleep, something to eat and maybe a shower. The most basic needs are your focus. You have equal needs with your infant.” Most people don’t know that,” she said. After a while, when you start to crawl out of sleep deprivation and begin to enjoy life again, you’ll have the “highest highs and lowest lows.”

This is especially true for assault conception. These are some rough rapids. If, like me, you or someone you know has conceived as a result of years of sexual abuse, this stretch of time may even seem like more of a waterfall with a tumultuous whiteout period. The trauma and stress are compounded. This is no time to be considering abortion. She needs healing and the only one who can take care of the innocent, “second victim” is her. She will need help through the rough patches.

Rocky Stretches

Shallow or rocky stretches can last or recur. You might, sometimes, feel like there is no relief, no peace, and you just want a few minutes to float. We have all been there or will be there at one time or another. We need help sometimes. Other times, we need to be the help.

Don’t worry about scraped knees, either. They’ll heal. Everyone suffers hurts in this life. Some substantial. Some may seem minimal or even trivial, but none of us made it through any length of time unscathed. So, be kind to yourself and to others.

Each of us travels this life alone. It is up to us as individuals and as a community to come along side of one another. So, I say, First, don’t be afraid of life. It’s messy either way. Keep curious about how God will bring you through and it will be much easier to hold onto the oars and keep afloat.

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