Breaking: Trump and Putin Agree To Split Europe - Granite Grok

Breaking: Trump and Putin Agree To Split Europe

This is NOT The Onion but we don’t take ourselves too seriously

Vlad+Donald Appearing on camera together after their private summit in Helsinki (or was it Yalta?), the two leaders came out to take questions from the press, and were all jovial and smiling: “My friend Vlad and I may have different styles, but we both believe in efficient government,” said Trump “I like to cut government and trust the citizens…” “And I prefer a more direct style of rule, without all the layers of bureaucracy,” interjected Putin.

“What we are both agreed upon is that the European Union is a hopelessly inefficient behemoth which is suffocating its citizens and cannot maintain law and order,” said The Donald…… “So we have decided to split it up and test our different styles of government in the real world, to see who will bury whom,” Said Vladimir.

“Yes,” said Trump, “since this hopeless hodgepodge can neither govern nor defend itself, there will be no worthwhile resistance.” “Indeed,” said Putin “since some of the countries, like Germany, are practically vassal states, this re-organization with be a putsch-over!”

“So,” said Vladimir, rubbing his hands in glee, “We’ll pick up the vast central swath of the continent, which is practically communist already, and The USA will annex the unruly bits around the edges like the British Isles, Scandinavia, and Italy, who already don’t much care for Brussels (or Paris).”

“Things will immediately improve for the citizens of the Western Alliance with my low taxes, reduced immigration, and ‘Make the Atlantic Great Again’ slogan,” said Donald…… “And the great morass of Europe will prosper under my direct rule and 13% flat tax,” said Vlad, “Oh, by the way, Jihadi problem solved – we shoot ‘em!”

“Just as a bonus,” said Putin, “I’ll be re-instating Angela Merkel’s Communist Party membership…..” “And,” said Trump with a grin, “I’ll be appointing Nigel Farage as governor of Great Britain – hey, he can’t be crazier than king George III, can he?”

“And the agreement goes into effect on April 1st, 2019,” They said in unison before toasting each other and dissolving into laughter. The World will never be the same again!