GraniteGrok

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.  Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

“Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.  He floored it to 100 mph…then 110…then 120.

Suddenly he thought “what am I doing? I’m too old for this” and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes.  Today is Friday.  If you can give me a reason for speeding that I have never heard before, I’ll let you go.”

The old gentleman paused, then said “Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida state trooper.  I thought you were bringing her back!”

“Have a good day, sir” replied the trooper.

(H/T: Jorge)

Posted by Skip at 8:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake.   The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how   you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.'
 
'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'
 
'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.
 
 Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'
 
'Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol.'
 
'Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?'
 
'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit  out of them and eat 'em!'
 
'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not  getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase.'

Posted by Doug at 8:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I have never been as mixed about anything in politics as I am towards the bailout. Good people I trust say it's necessary. Good people I trust say it's bad.

I guess I just don't really know enough to make an informed decision one way or another, although my business is booked with work, my banker tells me he'll lend me the money if I need it, and my customers are still paying. Additionally, I'm twenty years from retirement, so my 401K, while certainly losing money at the moment, has that long to recover. If I took a purely selfish view, I'd say the bailout can only have negative effects on me due to future increased taxation. But I still remain indecisive, as I know that there could be far-reaching consequences yet to reach me at my level.

All that being said, this rather old joke just seems appropriate once again. After all, laughing's better than crying!

[H/T Tom]

Posted by Doug at 7:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

A seemingly intoxicated cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo Theater.  When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."  The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient.

"Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager.  Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success.

Finally they summoned the police.

The Texas Ranger surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"

"Fred," the cowboy moaned.

"Where ya from, Fred?" asked the Ranger.

With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Fred replied,

"The balcony".

(H/T: Sue)

Posted by Skip at 8:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Could NOT resist from posting this: from Joanne Jacobs - Worst School Name Ever?

Pansy Kidd Middle School (Poteau, OK).

Bad enough to be a middle schooler; worse when you have to tell your peers from other places where you go.  Imaging how hard the cheer leading squad has to work at their lyrics...

And while I'm on a roll of strange but slightly humorous items, a headline that our very own Grok 'N Roller would love:

Residents of northern Los Angeles County are not grooving to this music.

Lancaster (CA) city officials said this week that they're paving over a quarter-mile strip of asphalt grooved to play the William Tell Overture when auto tires speed over it.

The road was completed this month as part of an ad campaign for Honda. It's engineered to play the overture — also known as the theme to "The Lone Ranger" — at perfect pitch for motorists driving Honda Civics at 55 mph.

But neighbors aren't amused. One says the road music sounds like a high-pitched drone. Another says it keeps him and his wife up at night.

Lancaster officials plan to pave over the grooves Tuesday.

No sense of humor or appreciation of how much work went into figuring that out!  I remember doing similar things with a Digital Equipment PDP-8E mini-computer in high school.  Hold a radio close to the console and listen to the RF "music" coming from the lights on the console.....

After the jump is the front plate of one of those bad boys....along with the "state of the art" terminals I learned to program in BASIC, FOCAL and assembler.

Continue reading "Oy vay! Glad I didn't go there...." »

Posted by Skip at 8:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Actually, category = Humor.

This is just so dang funny, you gotta watch it!

But it does point out that Government officials often have these convoluted ideas that they (or the function they represent) are the absolute monarchs and gatekeepers; ordinary people are just too STUUPID to make decisions.

I just love the way he gets deflated - and with good reason.

The problem, as heard in this video, is that once a bureaucracy gets ahold of the money, it takes almost an act of God to get it released back from their clutches. Worst of all, they believe that it IS their money - not ours.  They forget that we should have the final say.

While this is a funny send up of introducing school choice by parents.  "Oh! Parents? But we're the professionals!"...I'm tired of professionals ALWAYS trying to trump parents rights and perogatives.

We'll be talking about this, and other educational matters, tomorrow on Meet The New Press (WEMJ 1490 AM in NH'S Lake Region), lived streamed right here at GraniteGrok from 9 - 11 am.  Join us!

Posted by Skip at 8:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

Of course, madam,' replied the sales clerk, 'exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?'

The bride to be said: 'A long frilly white dress with a veil.'

The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, 'Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?'

'Well,' replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, 'I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.

You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel.

My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.'

What about your third husband?' asked the sales clerk.

'That one was a Democrat,' said the woman, 'and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened.'

(H/T Jorge)

Posted by Doug at 7:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

As a blogger, I have grown to have better appreciation of words and some of the nuances they convey.  Thus, I've acquired a better appreciation of puns and those that can spin them!  Enjoy!

Punster alert

• The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.  He acquired his size from too much pi.

• I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

• She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

• A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

• The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

• No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

• A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

• A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

• Two silk worms had a race.  They ended up in a tie.

• Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.

• A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.  The police are looking into it.

• Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

• Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.  One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a-head.'

• I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.  Then it hit me.

• A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

• A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.  When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

• A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion

• The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.

• The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

• A backward poet writes in-verse.

• In democracy it's your vote that counts.  In feudalism it's your count that votes.

• When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

• Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!

(H/T: Trouble)

Posted by Skip at 8:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I'm wondering if this story is something that could only happen in Maine, and/or if it's a new twist on the "will work strip for food" offer...

GREENVILLE, Maine (AP) _ The Skinny Dip sandwich at Greenville's Black Frog Restaurant is free for customers willing to plunge naked from the restaurant into Moosehead Lake.

But three diners could soon learn that the fine for indecent conduct carries a cost.

Greenville police issued summons to three friends who took the plunge last weekend in return for a sliced prime rib sandwich.

Twenty-five-year-old Crystal Stilwell of Bath, 31-year-old Bernard Beckwith of Windham and 37-year-old Christian Simpson of Bethel have a Sept. 15 court date.

The trio dashed into the water at about 5 p.m. in full view of other diners. Restaurant owner Leigh Turner said all 40 to 50 patrons were asked in advance if they would be offended by the plunge, and nobody objected.

But Greenville Police Chief Scott MacMaster said a family standing nearby was offended and contacted police.

[H/T to Matt T. who wonders if this was a family of Democrats thinking it's only fair if EVERYONE eats for free.] 
 

Posted by Doug at 6:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Oh yes:

Mrs. Treemont was walking by a pet store, when a parrot in the doorway called to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly!".  She was furious and yelled at the store owner.  He promised it would never happen again.  

However, the next day she was walking past the pet store when again the parrot called to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly!".  Mrs. Treemont was furious and told the store owner that if it happened again, she would sue him and have the bird taken away by the authorities.  The worried store manager promised the parrot would never say it again.  

The next time, Mrs. Treemont was walking past the store, the parrot said, "hey lady!"  She paused and said, "Yes?".

The parrot said, "You know".

(H/T: Wayne)

Yes, oh yes!  Reminds me how the 'Grok Stunt Guy (the Eldest) operates - ever since he started talking......still does, too!  Evaluate the system, find the loophole, and exploits it.

Posted by Skip at 8:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny ?'

The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!'

'That's a lot of money,' says the old man. 'Why does it cost so much?'

'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour !' states the doctor proudly.

The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside ?'

'No problem,' replies the doctor. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, 'That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my Moped!'

Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do.
He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!

He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH !  Something whips
by him going much faster!  'What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?' the doctor asks himself.  He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.  Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!

Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, He gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph. He was feeling pretty good until he looked in his mirror and saw the old man gaining on him AGAIN !

Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.  Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.

The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably The old man is still alive.

He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'

The old man whispers,

'Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror'.

(H/T: Sue)

Posted by Skip at 8:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

You know, I liked Spock - unemotional (except at the end of that one episode when he realized that Kirk was not dead), ready to confound all of the other crewmembers (especially Dr. McCoy) in his pursuit and application of a life of pure logic:

This Vulcan - not so much:

A Happy Vulcan?  Isn't that a signature of an unwell Vulcan?

Ears kinda fit though....

(H/T: Steve)

Posted by Skip at 2:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

A redneck family from the hills of Arkansas was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their lives.

The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'Paw, what's at?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is".

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular number above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year-old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, 'Boy.................go gitcha momma."

(H/T: Sue)

Posted by Skip at 8:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Sent to me by a retired Marine Corp Colonel (with a Ph.D!) that I respect greatly!  I looked at these, looked at the Eldest Son (did a hitch in the Marines and went "Yup - it fits":

Marine Corps Rules:

1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite.  Be professional.  But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a '4.
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice.  Ammo is cheap.  Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker.  Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible.  Protect yours
11. Always cheat; always win.  The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics.  They will only  remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.
    

Navy SEAL's Rules:

1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust Speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.
   

US Army Rangers Rules:

1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from 'Higher' to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.
   

US Army Rules:

1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd LTs; it can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.
   

US Air Force Rules:

1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask "What is a gunfight?"
5. Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Power Point presentation.
6. Wine & dine ''key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets 'strategic' and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.

US Navy Rules:

1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Deploy the Marines.

(H/T: Richard)

Posted by Skip at 10:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Subject: FW: What Mom taught us...

Now you Know...

    1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
    'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

    2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
    'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

    3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
    'If y ou don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

    4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
    Because I said so, that's why.'

    5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
    'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'

    6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
    'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

    7. My mother taught me IRONY.
    'Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about.'

    8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
    'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

    9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
    'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?'

    10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
    'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

    11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
    'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

    12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

    13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
    'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

(H/T: Richard)

Continue reading "Friday Humor - Mom taught us...." »

Posted by Skip at 8:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Let's spend money to advertise to get more money -> PLEASE let us raise your taxes.  In fact, get excited about giving us your extra money!

Heh!  I found the article...

Lane County will spend up to $250,000 this year publicizing its tight financial picture, in hopes that voters in November will approve higher taxes for public-safety services.

It's an amount for county spending on publicity that has been unparalleled in at least the past 10 years. And it illustrates the seriousness of the effort to persuade voters to approve a county income tax for public safety.

Still, the irony of spending big to publicize the county's frugal ways was troubling for Commissioner Bill Dwyer, board chairman, who nonetheless joined in the unanimous approval of the amount Wednesday.

"We got our hand out (for more money) on one hand, and we're spending money with the other," Dwyer said. "That's a dilemma that we face."

(H/T: Karen)

Continue reading "Friday Humor - Novel idea - advertising for taxes" »

Posted by Skip at 7:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I'm a dog person we currently have a mutt (mostly South Rhodesian from what we have been told) and an American Eskimo.  They are loyal, friendly, and happy to have any attention paid to them or given any treats.  They appreciate EVERYTHING!  Wouldn't trade them fer nothin'!

Suffice it to say, Doug is not a dog person - he has a cat.

Woof!

DOG DIARY

8:00 am - Dog food!  My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride!  My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park!  My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted!  My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch!  My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard!  My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail!  My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones!  My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball!  My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow!  Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed!  My favorite thing!


CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.  My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.  In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.  Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.  I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.  However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.  I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.  However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.  I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies."  I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

This morning I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one
of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.  I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.  I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges.  He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.  He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant.  I observe him communicate with the guards regularly.  I am certain that he reports my every move.  My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.

For now...
        Cat

(H/T: TMEW)

Posted by Skip at 8:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Sigh....

Now, can YOU tell me, without looking it up, the year of the first airplane flight (you know, wings, a tail, and an internal combustion engine)?

(H/T: Karen)

Posted by Skip at 9:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

What more can you say about the Jesse Jackson story? To me, it has all the makings of the Janet Jackson "wardrode malfunction." You know- an act that thrusts an otherwise long time unheard-from, publicity-addicted has-been back to center stage one more time. Go here to this Van Helsing post at RightWingNews for the theory, and some great comments from readers. When I followed the link provided by commenter D-Vega, I nearly busted a n_t laughing, as he has apparently discovered the Reverend was obviously separated at birth...

[In the immortal words of Larry the cableguy, "Lord, I apologize..." ]

Posted by Doug at 6:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

(H/T: Sue)

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whisky, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

Posted by Skip at 8:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

(H/T to Jane for this little ditty from CNHT!)

Ah yes, the NH Democrat Theme Song.... 

They Do Bond Bond
(Spector-Greenwich-Barry-Naile - Copyright 2008)

There was a special session and they locked them in
They do bond bond bond, they do bond bond
The red ink’s a come’n and now we have to spin
They do bond bond bond, they do bond bond

Yeah, his name is Lynch, Oh, he’s in a pinch
And he’s shopping for a loan, they do bond bond bond, they do bond bond

We’re pay’n off the school bonds with the MasterCard
They do bond bond bond, they do bond bond
Craig Benson’s on vacation and he’s laugh’n pretty hard
They do bond bond bond, they do bond bond

Yeah, $200 mil, wow, that’s quite a pill
Sooner or later it’s coming due, they do bond bond bond, they do bond bond

The Democrats are acting just like they always do
They do bond bond bond, they do bond bond
They’re stomping through the pasture and they stepped in all the poo
They do bond bond, they do bond bond

Yeah, they tax and spend, yeah, to the bitter end
‘Til they can dock your pay, they do bond bond bond, they do bond bond

They do bond bond bond, they do bond bond
They do bond bond bond, they do bond bond
They do bond bond bond, they do bond bond

In case you don’t know the tune: Last FM

Posted by Skip at 11:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

From Breitbart: 

DUBLIN, Ireland (AP) - An accident in a chemical plant Friday created a frightening-looking cloud of "laughing gas," government and emergency officials said. Nobody was reported to be injured—or to be giggling uncontrollably.

Posted by Skip at 9:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

For some unfathonable reason, I have been declared the number one least funniest person in America by the Defamer blog. Who knew?

In the immortal words of Sgt Hulka,

"I've got a helluva sense of humor!"

And all this time I thought Colbert was the number one least funny person...

Posted by Doug at 11:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Doug and I are certainly supporters of the New Hampshire Advantage Coalition that had a major announcment in Concord this week (Doug attended and posted here).  There is much truth in the famous phrase "lower taxes are the result of lower spending".  To this end, the NHAC's Pledge is simple:

I hereby pledge not to vote for or lend my support to any budget that raises government spending more than the rate of Inflation, as it is defined by the Consumer Price Index-Urban Plus Population Growth.

I'd rather the "Population Growth" with something along the idea of "the assessed value of new building".  However, it is a very good idea.

Well, of COURSE those on the other side of the argument are all up in arms, never conceding the truth that while government does have legitimate expense, the government is an expense to the families that fund it - and that expense is almost always rising faster than the average family's income.

Question to them:  why does government always get the first fruits of a family's labors?

Anyways, a quick witted fellow by the name of Jason Bedrick wrote the following for a Democrat response to the Pledge:

I happen to speak liberalese -- allow me to translate:

New Hampshire Democrats Are Sick and Tired of Democracy

(Concord) Rather than abandoning their philosophy of limited government and fiscal responsibility in favor of the Democrat Party's policies of centralization and increased government authority, the so-called New Hampshire Advantage Coalition has the audacity to fight back and propose alternatives!

The Republican-led coalition is trying to push a spending cap provision in municipalities across the state. A similar proposal was soundly rejected by the RINO-dominated, Democrat-controlled New Hampshire House three years ago.

"Those Republicans just won't give up! If they'd only join us feeding at the trough of government, we could have a state that looks like Massachusetts in less than a year!" whined State Democratic Party Chair Raymond Buckley.

Continue reading "The Democrat response (satire warning)" »

Posted by Skip at 7:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Heh!  From Stix Blog:

Discovery-New Element



New Element Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv),has one neuron, 25 assistant neurons, 88 deputy neurons, and 198 assistant deputyneurons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second can take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neurons and deputy neurons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neurons, forming isodopes.This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Posted by Skip at 8:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Filed under "Humor". Just saw this:

Yup, good ole Harry Reid knows how to swing that stick, doesn't he?

Senator Joseph Lieberman, a stalwart backer of John McCain who calls himself an "independent Democrat", could face punishment from the Democratic party if he is asked to speak at this summer's Republican convention.

Actually, I think the word "independent" actually covers it - he IS an Independent as he resigned from the Democrat Party, given that they ran a candidate against him in the primary.  

So, where's this punishment going to come from?  If you're not part of the Party....

Lieberman has said he would appear at McCain's nominating convention if invited by the Republican, fuelling frustration among US liberals already angered by his support for the Iraq war. Democrats revoked his superdelegate status earlier this year.

OK, one whack of the stick....but it is kind of hard to have a superdelegate to your Party that, amusing to behold, isn't part of the Party (ok, that's twice)? 

The onetime vice presidential nominee of Al Gore has played a pivotal role in maintaining Democrats' narrow control of the Senate. But party leader Harry Reid today left the door open to sanctioning Lieberman if he speaks in favor of McCain's nomination.

"I'll consider anything," Reid said at a breakfast with reporters today, adding that the Democratic presidential nominee, likely Barack Obama, would want to weigh in on Lieberman's future role.

Heh!  Joe would have his own stick then...all Joe would have to do is migrate to the Republican caucus and then Harry's got egg on his proboscis.

The above look rational ONLY if you consider this:

Apparently, the Chinese, in their all-out effort to hold onto Tibet (for reasons I do not understand, but I’m eager to be educated on the subject), “passed” decreed that Lamas in Tibet have to get permission from the Chinese government to be reincarnated.

 Yes, you really did just read that sentence.

(H/T: American Princess) 

Posted by Skip at 6:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Posted by Skip at 7:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Over at our friend DCE's place, Weekend Pundit, he's extolling the virtues of a new drug:

New Wonder Drug

Received via e-mail:

I know a few people who could really use some of this.

HA!  I bet he had us in mind too!  Go see what it is... 

You know, maybe DCE knows something about us that we don't?  I will admit, I guess, that from time to time, Doug and I just might need a couple of these...alright, I'll allow a few....

(I draw the line at the word "truckload"!) 

Posted by Skip at 6:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Heh!

The Military in Iraq loves Chuck Norris and make up "facts" about Chuck all the time:

• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
• Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
• When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
• Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

And on they go. There's even a website for these! 

Well, the Dems are trotting out McCain's age as being a real liability.  I've watched him campaign...I'd be hard pressed to keep up with him and I'm 20 years younger!  But you know that when Murtha, that king of pork barreling, says McCain is too old, somebody ought to be telling Murtha he's too old to be an oinker!

Well, once again, NRO comes through and parodies the parody....I thought these were amusing - take a lemon and make lemonade!

How old is John McCain?  He's so old, That...

The Lone Star Times offers its own spin on the "how old is John McCain" question, attempting to turning it into a sequel to the Chuck Norris jokes.

    * John McCain is older than betraying national security secrets on the front page
            of the New York Times.
    * John McCain is older than facial moisturizers for men.
    * John McCain is