I've Decided to Present as a Vegen - Granite Grok

I’ve Decided to Present as a Vegen

Pigs eating compost
“Tomatoes” eating tomatoes

I’ve decided to present as a vegan. I will only eat beef from cows that present as corn and bacon from pigs that “self-identify” as tomatoes. Lamb is broccoli and chicken are peas.

I get to decide which package in the refrigerated case qualifies on any given day as my ‘vegetable’ of choice. If you dare to challenge my thinking or question my fidelity to veganism (or my mental state) I will call you a bigot, or perhaps a sexist, racist, veganphobe.

Tomorrow? Well, that is another day. I may be a fat black transgender woman descended from a cult of Mesoamerican pacifists. We’ll have to see how I feel.

>