It’s now officially official, old lady Hillary Clinton is running for President. Perfect. Now I just need to dust off and update these once perfectly acceptable age jokes. I’m sure they’ll still be just as appropriate and well received when applied to an old lady Democrat…right?
Check out these goodies reported by the Times (updates and edits mine):
David Letterman: “
Bob DoleHillary Clinton is callinghimselfherself an optimist, I understand this because a lot of people would look at a glass as half empty.Bob DoleHillary Clinton looks at the glass and says, ‘What a great place to put my teeth.’ ”Jay Leno:
Bob Dole’sHillary Clinton’s senior aides are urging him to hurry up and make his list of potential choices for Vice President,.. Searching for a Vice President doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is thatBob DoleHillary Clinton has senior aides. How old are they — 90, 100? I mean, senior aides?
And this treasure trove of good humor (updates and edits mine):
Jay Leno: “According to some of the political blogs,
DemocraticRepublican operatives have been looking for dirt onJohn McCainHillary Clinton since February. You know what you call someone who digs up dirt onJohn McCainHillary Clinton? An archaeologist.”Jay Leno: “
John McCainHillary Clinton having trouble raising money. You know, a lot of people thinkhe’sshe’s raising money the old guy way. You know, with the metal detector at the beach.”Conan O’Brien: “
RepublicanDemocrat presidential candidateJohn McCainHillary Clinton is in the news [because he she is] trying to find a vice presidential running mate. Yeah. Not only that,McCainHillary Clinton is also trying to find his her reading glassesand his car keys.”I really had to update that one because Hillary hasn’t had the need to locate car keys in, what, 25 years. (#HillaryJustLikeUs)
Conan O’Brien: “This week,
John McCainHillary Clinton is on a tour of what she calls Forgotten Places in America. Forgotten places, yeah. Which, athisher age, means just about everywhere.”David Letterman: “Scientists… I believe in Norway… have located, identified, and verified 8,000-year-old Norway spruce trees… the oldest living things on the planet. The good news is that takes some of the heat off
John McCainHillary Clinton.”Jay Leno: “In more serious news, big controversy last week after State Department officials looked at passport files of all three major candidates, [and it turns out] they got a hold of
John McCain’sHillary Clinton’s Social Security number. … You know what it is? Three.”David Letterman: “Hillary, very confident, says she is ready for the 3 am phone call, and
McCainnow says she is ready for the 3 pm nap.”
That ought a do it. Good for the goose, good for the gander and all that.