Old Lady Running for President… Time To Dust Off The Age Jokes

It’s now officially official, old lady Hillary Clinton is running for President.  Perfect.  Now I just need to dust off and update these once  perfectly acceptable age jokes.  I’m sure they’ll still be just as appropriate and well received when applied to an old lady Democrat…right?

Check out these goodies reported by the Times (updates and edits mine):

David Letterman: “Bob Dole Hillary Clinton is calling himself herself an optimist, I understand this because a lot of people would look at a glass as half empty. Bob Dole Hillary Clinton looks at the glass and says, ‘What a great place to put my teeth.’ ”

Jay Leno: Bob Dole’s Hillary Clinton’s senior aides are urging him to hurry up and make his list of potential choices for Vice President,..  Searching for a Vice President doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is that Bob Dole Hillary Clinton has senior aides. How old are they — 90, 100? I mean, senior aides?

And this treasure trove of good humor (updates and edits mine):

Jay Leno: “According to some of the political blogs, Democratic Republican operatives have been looking for dirt on John McCain Hillary Clinton since February. You know what you call someone who digs up dirt on John McCain Hillary Clinton? An archaeologist.”

Jay Leno: “John McCain Hillary Clinton having trouble raising money. You know, a lot of people think he’s she’s raising money the old guy way. You know, with the metal detector at the beach.”

Conan O’Brien: “Republican Democrat presidential candidate John McCain Hillary Clinton is in the news [because he she is] trying to find a vice presidential running mate. Yeah. Not only that, McCain Hillary Clinton is also trying to find his her reading glasses and his car keys.”

I really had to update that one because Hillary hasn’t had the need to locate car keys in, what, 25 years. (#HillaryJustLikeUs)

Conan O’Brien: “This week, John McCain Hillary Clinton is on a tour of what she calls Forgotten Places in America. Forgotten places, yeah. Which, at his her age, means just about everywhere.”

David Letterman: “Scientists… I believe in Norway… have located, identified, and verified 8,000-year-old Norway spruce trees… the oldest living things on the planet. The good news is that takes some of the heat off John McCain Hillary Clinton.”

Jay Leno: “In more serious news, big controversy last week after State Department officials looked at passport files of all three major candidates, [and it turns out] they got a hold of John McCain’s Hillary Clinton’s Social Security number. … You know what it is? Three.”

David Letterman: “Hillary, very confident, says she is ready for the 3 am phone call, and McCain now says she is ready for the 3 pm nap.”

That ought a do it. Good for the goose, good for the gander and all that.