Here’s a holiday relevant question for our would-be Democrat masters. If Renny Cushing’s California-like anti-Campus-sex legislation were to become law in New Hampshire would there be a Mistletoe ‘Rape’ Exclusion? An executive action of a sort that permits what used to be a harmless kiss on the cheek of a person as they pass under (or near) the Phoradendron leucarpum.
You’d have to consider some sort of exception. If a spontaneous act of Holiday cheer inspired a yule-induced smooch without the presence of a proper “flight plan” filed with the FAA (overseeing violations of personal air space) or paperwork presented in advance to Homeland (responsible for unauthorized ‘border crossings’), unsuspecting recipients (see also victims) could be inclined to charge them with sexual assault seeing as wing-nut Democrats had empowered them to think and do just that.
The litigious wild-west of modern progressive American lawfare isn’t just two blokes with a difference of opinion having it out on a dusty street as women rush their children to safety and men in bowler hats and handlebar mustaches pull the lacy white curtain back to watch from a nearby window. It is more like a land war. Armies of opposing legal ‘troops’ gird up to march over everything in their path. All because the accused gave the victim a spontaneous peck on the cheek beneath a hemiparasitic plant that gets its nourishment by robbing it from others.
Given the nature of or politically correct and intolerant progressive culture legal carpet bombing is included.
Is the owner of the mistletoe complicit in the ‘rape?’ How about the landlord if the property is a rental? How about the store that sold it? The wholesaler who sold it to the store? The grower, importer, or “manufacturer?” The automaker or even the driver whose vehicle was used to bring the offending plant to the point of sale or the scene of the ‘attack?’ Politicians will have to release statements to the press while journalists scrounge through people’s internet “trash” for a Tea Party connection.
Should different rules apply to fake as opposed to real mistletoe?
Would we need a regulated Mistletoe cartel? License all mistletoe sellers, all sales, and require buyers to obtain a permit to hang it but only after completing a comprehensive sexual and mental health history (background check).
Purchasers will need to satisfy hanging regulations which would include obtaining and posting the required warning signs, the use of yellow safety tape marking the floor to identify places where you might have some expectation of being kissed, video monitoring requirements, and don’t forget an enforcement body to generate administrative law to manage regulations and violations, including improper or unauthorized display, failure to provide handrails in the event of a stumble as a result of the kiss, adequate ingress and egress, handicap accessibility, and of course any illegal interstate transport or importation of any untaxed or unregulated hemiparasitic plant under or near which one might have some expectation of being kissed between Thanksgiving (please see new EPA regulations on cooking limitations for Meleagris gallopavo) and New Year.
Taking or giving kisses under the Mistletoe out of season is prohibited. Special rules are in development for mistletoe encountered in the wild.
Satire is great but this is no joke, and I’ve only scratched the surface. This is how the administrative state operates, enabled by busy-body progressive legislators obsessed with appearing to do something. That something becomes an ever-increasing budget line item to find a department that never goes away, rarely decreases in size, and only then to double under the next progressive legislature, rarely accomplishing any of the things its advocates claimed.
Probably better to just ban Mistletoe, yes?
Or is it possible that someone might begin to see just how absurd Democrat regulatory diarrhea is (aided by the ever-present and growing access to RINO laxatives) and do something to put an end to it in all its evil forms? An end that will include shutting down and de-funding those parts of the government, National, state, or local, that regulate things they need not or should not.
The progressives would argue that Mistletoe enforcement (were it not just fictitious satire) is a necessary good in defense of a shared right. But it–like many of its corrupt brethren–is nothing less than an expansion of the regulatory state and a public union recruitment mechanism that convert taxpayer dollars into Democrat campaign donations and political storm troopers.
